Yes! Good idea Askye!
I miss Oz. He'd get it. He wouldn't say anything, but he'd get it.
Xander ,'Get It Done'
Spike's Bitches 47: Someone Dangerous Could Get In
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
omnis_audis - Sep 04, 2012 7:11:56 am PDT #19755 of 30001
omnis, pursue. That's an order from a shy woman who can use M-16. - Shir
askye - Sep 04, 2012 7:13:37 am PDT #19756 of 30001
Thrive to spite them
omnis I'm sorry this is turning into more of a nightmare. You would think that people would understand having a HOLE in your living room is very inconvenient and needs to get fixed asap.
askye - Sep 04, 2012 7:19:44 am PDT #19757 of 30001
Thrive to spite them
So I have my appointment with my shrink today and I'm anxious/worried. Some of it I know is irrational but some of it I think is more rational. Right now I feel like I'm in a big countdown until 5:30 and I'm trying to chase away the thoughts that Dr. W will not change any medicine and say that I'm doing fine and I just need to suck it up and deal. (I know that's irrational but that's what's going through my head).
Ginger - Sep 04, 2012 7:32:45 am PDT #19758 of 30001
"It didn't taste good. It tasted soooo horrible. It tasted like....a vodka martini." - Matilda
Laura, you might want to read Buried in Treasures [link] which is aimed at the hoarder, and Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things [link] which is mostly case studies in treating hoarders. Stuff talks about how the worst thing you can do is clear out all the stuff without working with the hoarder. The hoarders either completely fall apart or they hoard even more. The things are comforting to them in some way. In a lot of cases, the people treating the hoarders gradually got people to reduce hoarding by agreeing to a class of things that could be thrown away, like take-out containers.
brenda m - Sep 04, 2012 7:45:04 am PDT #19759 of 30001
If you're going through hell/keep on going/don't slow down/keep your fear from showing/you might be gone/'fore the devil even knows you're there
I believe it is part being really busy, part physical limitation because she had a knee replacement a while back, part just being overwhelmed since it got so out of hand.
Ugh. My father is veering on the squalor issue. It's not hoarding, though he does have just a ton of junk lying around creating clutter. But he's never been terribly alert to his surroundings, and has a huge tolerance for leaning towers of mail, etc. Plus he cooks lots of fatty stuff and smokes, so everything gets so grimy and gross. And now as he's older and eyesight not so great, he just doesn't see how gross it's gotten.
He's the kind who I think you totally could go in while he was away and deep clean and it wouldn't bother him a bit. I did that last xmas, and with some things like dishpans and washclothes and stuff just tossed the old and replaced them. He's not attached to the junk and mess, he just doesn't even see it.
ETA: it would totally start to get dirty again eventually, and he'd start saving up take out containers and crap as usual. But at least the starting point would be better.
Ginger - Sep 04, 2012 8:09:22 am PDT #19760 of 30001
"It didn't taste good. It tasted soooo horrible. It tasted like....a vodka martini." - Matilda
My house is at the point that I would be embarrassed to have someone come in and clean. It's partially pure slovenliness and the fact that my dishwasher is broken. The other factor is having no energy and having it hurt to bend over (There's cancer in my hip bones, but the pain is getting better). An amazing amount of cleaning involves bending over. The dog hair seems to be gradually gathering itself into a whole new dog. I hope I won't have to housebreak it.
omnis_audis - Sep 04, 2012 8:15:46 am PDT #19761 of 30001
omnis, pursue. That's an order from a shy woman who can use M-16. - Shir
An amazing amount of cleaning involves bending over.Don't I know it. One of the nice things about the recent move, is the tub has shower curtain, instead of sliding glass door. Leaning on a tub with door tracks is HUGE incentive for not cleaning. IJS. Thankfully, don't have that problem anymore. Unfortunetly, I don't have that excuse anymore either!
Laura - Sep 04, 2012 8:20:16 am PDT #19762 of 30001
Our wings are not tired.
I really appreciate the links and am going to do some homework. I don't want to do more harm than good here.
It is surely a combination of factors. (don't call me shirley) She broke an ankle one year and a couple years later had the knee replacement, and she is getting older and larger making physical stuff a challenge.
My mother said she was going to try guilting her into it by mentioning how she gets invited and goes to other people's houses all the time and should be able to return the invite. I told her I thought a more direct approach was needed at this point.
I'm going to walk over there later today and see how she responds to my offer to help. Fiercely strong and independent so it is tricky.
le nubian - Sep 04, 2012 8:24:50 am PDT #19763 of 30001
"And to be clear, I am the hell. And the high water."
Laura,
in addition to the wonderful things others have posted, is the house too much for her? Maybe she needs another, smaller home which is easier to manuever? Turn your mother's house into a summer/vacation home?
brenda m - Sep 04, 2012 8:28:26 am PDT #19764 of 30001
If you're going through hell/keep on going/don't slow down/keep your fear from showing/you might be gone/'fore the devil even knows you're there
The other factor is having no energy and having it hurt to bend over (There's cancer in my hip bones, but the pain is getting better).
I'm sure this is part of the issue with my dad, too. Between knee problems, hand strength and coordination issues, and just general age, it's not that easy for him to do much anyway.