Well, can you offer to pay (or can other family members) to get her some cleaning assistance? If you really think time is the main barrier, that's fairly easy to address with some help.

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Laura, I agree with LeN, the early episodes of Hoarders helped me. My mother is on the brink of being that bad. I think she is at "packrat" level now. It is very much a psychological issue. There is comfort in having "things" surrounding you. My mom sees value in everything, and throwing something away is a waste of money. And if folks say "Oh, well, I am just going to throw it out if nobody takes it", mom will take it and find it a good home. She is truly the "road to hell is paved with good intentions" person.

As for your sister, I can not say what is the trigger. What I do know, from my mother, and from watching the early episodes of Hoarders, if you try to make headway on cleaning the place, without her persmission, it will make a dent in what ever area you clean for a short period of time, but will seriously damage your relationship with your sister. She has to see the problem, and has to be part of the solution. I strongly recomend seaking professional help, someone who specializes in hoarder mentality. To find the underlying trigger, and work through it, and then help to clean the place up.

From what it looks like in the TV show (and we know how accurate that is) many municipalities can condemn a house for excessive 'garbage'. What your sister see's as "my things", the community sees as a dump. On the TV show, when they move a pile of stuff, you can see how the wood subfloor and drywall is rotting underneath. And you don't know it until the stuff is peeled away. There is also a lot of mold in those places. Not to say those are happening at your sisters place, just things to be aware of. And maybe use those tidbits to help your sister realize, that this is a bigger problem than just a messy house.

I wish you all the luck!

Oh, and I almost forgot, my aunt (father's sister) is the same way. She has a Co-Op in suburbs of NY. She went into the hospital a couple years ago, slipping on ice on Christmas day. My uncle went to get toothbrush, etc while she was in the hospital. He said the papers were so high in this little apartment, that he had to duck his head to walk around. Granted, he's 6' tall. But that is 2'+ of papers all over the place! While she was in the hospital, he started cleaning. Making paths down to the carpet. Tossing YEARS of newspapers. He uncovered 5 fans (this is a small one bedroom apartment, mind you). He said it was like the weather woudl get warm, she couldn't find a fan, and bought a new one. The weather got cold... rinse repeat. You get the idea. Anyhow, she stayed at my fathers place for another few weeks after hospital. All the time, my uncle cleaning every night after work. When my Aunt heard about it, she FLIPPED OUT! And now the whole family isn't talking to each other. She blames my dad for trapping her at his place and being part of the plan. Blames my uncle for throwing away her precious stuff. That's about the time my dad sold his place and moved to florida, so my unlce blames my dad for abandoning the family at a crucial time. Even though my dad had been planning the move for about a year, and delayed it 6 months to help with all that. Yeah. Big mess. Point of it is to say, don't work on the place without her help/permission.

It will be a slow process. Do not nag, or she will shutdown and stop listening to you. Go in as wanting to help. Help to clean, help to keep her place from being condemned, help her health from the dust/mold/etc issue.

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ION- guess who isn't coming to work on the hole in the floor today. Yup! Ugg. "we are waiting on permission for the expansion of the scope of the work. The deck has rot and termite damage, and needs a lot more work".

I asked if they could start working on the hole in the floor in the bedroom? Maybe finish that aspect, so I can finish the flooring, and ya knnow, move in. Do we need to come to a complete halt on both halves of the problem (bedroom and deck). He said he would check the file, and see if that can be done. So, maybe tomorrow I'll get a concrete guy in here. We shall see. In the meantime. I'm pissy. (this was my grumpyness from yesterday, btw).

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I will take a look at the links, thanks Sophia. At this point I think I will try the direct approach. When she let me clean her porch it was after a direct can I do this question. I'm thinking just walking in when she is home (I normally do that), and just waving around the room and asking, Can I help?

I believe it is part being really busy, part physical limitation because she had a knee replacement a while back, part just being overwhelmed since it got so out of hand. She has a buying issue. As in she bought a half dozen fancy dresses for her son's wedding and used one. Still has the others that she will never use. Lots and lots of stuff still with tags, in boxes not even opened from eBay. I have told her (real) tales of friends that made bundles selling stuff on eBay.

It just hurts me that my mother will likely never be able to go into her old house again.

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x-post with o-a. Thank you. Not likely to ever get professional help. This is a very remote mountain area.

With her personality type I think a direct approach is probably best. She obviously knows it is an issue. I'm here. I love her. Use me! She is most likely to give the excuse that only she can go through it, but I can keep her company and shout encouraging words!

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After posting my praise of Feliway, here's a relevant story: I got home from work, cats were acting squirrelley, nipping at each other an being even more underfoot than usual while i prepped their dinner. Then, following a bad smell, I found a pile of poo on my bed. checked the feliway dispenser, and sure enough, it had run out. Fresh refill ahoy! And yes, it was a very unwelcome gift from the cat who is on prozac for his tendency to pee on my bed when he used to get cranky. At least the poo i can flush and then launder, but ugh. I wish there were a magic fix (other than tossing him out the window, of course.)

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part physical limitation because she had a knee replacement a while back, part just being overwhelmed since it got so out of hand

Ah, this was a great piece of info. Yes! Having physical limitations myself, my old old apartment in Long Beach (Before I moved to Texas) was a poor choice on my part, as it was a flight of stairs to throw anything out. So my place got REAL messy with clutter that should have been thrown out, but wasn't worth the effort. Moving to Texas helped me clear out the junk! It took a couple months! Every night, work on a little corner. It wasn't hoarder bad. Just messy/junky/clutter bad. But enough that I didn't invite folks over, because it was emabarrasing.

That sounds like it could very well be the case for your sister. So yes, just going over, and being non-judgemental helping hand. Maybe make a game of it, like a treasure hunt. "What can we find that we can sell on ebay". Maybe have a goal. "Let's see if we have enough to go on a cruise" or some such. Or a couple goals, one very attainable (short vacation), and one outrageous (new car! or something else big ticket she needs). Or heck, a savings account to hire a maid once the place is all cleaned up. With a goal other than just cleaning at hand, it might help push the process.

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Laura, she maybe a hoarder or she may just have let things get to the point where it's too overwhelming to deal with.

Even though she is smart and capable in other areas she still may be a hoarder. I haven't watched the more recent episodes of the show but in several of the earlier Hoarders episodes there were people who had good jobs and were able to handle work and other activities.

I would suggest you watch how she reacts to your suggestion of help. If she does accept it then pay attention to how she's acting during the decluttering/clean out portion. If she can't get rid of things or is reluctant then she might be a hoarder and need help.

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Yes! Good idea Askye!

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omnis I'm sorry this is turning into more of a nightmare. You would think that people would understand having a HOLE in your living room is very inconvenient and needs to get fixed asap.

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