Tom's parents were legally separated and each owned half the equity of the house. Th half that Tom's dad has is not inherited from Eve, it's his own.

I am asking Tom to ask his dad AGAIN to agree to sell.

My email to the lawyers consisted mostly of a plea, which will likely fall on deaf ears. But at this point, we had very little to lose by freaking out.

It's just, UGH. After the awfulness of dealing with her decline, arranging for her care, paying for the funeral, making all the arrangements, it's like, OMG REALLY? Our reward for that is a bill for thousands of pounds? It just seems monumentally unfair - which I know is not a compelling legal argument, but since it's happening to someone I love, I'm fairly over the top unhinged about it.

So shitty for you both to have to deal with this.

Tom's parents were legally separated and each owned half the equity of the house. Th half that Tom's dad has is not inherited from Eve, it's his own.

Ugh. So he doesn't live there, correct? It's a SFH, rented, and half the rent goes to him?

Nora, really. I am dealing with the same thing. But it is the law.

I paid for Rob's funeral, and I have a bill from the attorney into the thousands of dollars to help settle an intestate estate that, at the end of the day, will not have enough assets to cover his funeral expenses. There's no way I could have dealt with the estate on my own, considering the financial shenanigans he got himself into, but I am responsible for paying the bill. I will get the proceeeds from his estate, but it will only cover about half of what I spent on funeral and estate administration expenses. Tom at least has a way to recoup the solicitor's fees. I don't.

And for you too, Maria. You did at least spark me to get things in motion to get my own will done, and make sure my dad's is in order.

I'm so sorry, Maria. I hope my whining wasn't upsetting to you. I appreciate - very much- your perspective as a lawyer and the fact you are dealing with the same thing.

Tom's family dynamic are just so insane that it tends to set me on edge in an irrational fashion.

Ugh. So he doesn't live there, correct? It's a SFH, rented, and half the rent goes to him?

Yep.

Nora and Maria, I am so sorry for this additional pain and complication.

Pretty sure my parents have got all their shit in order, but it wouldn't hurt to double check. And I know my own shit is not in order of any kind.

My grandmother who passed away in January learned a little bit from her husband's death, so my mom and her brother didn't have too hard a time with her estate. My grandfather, on the other hand, was a full-on Depression-type, and he had money socked away in hundreds of little places. Like, envelopes in a desk. Small accounts here and there. I think they're still trying to chase some of it down.

Nora, it's not upsetting, and I apologize if I came off as short. I just don't want you getting aggravated for no reason, when the solicitor's request for payment is well within rights.

I get the fucked up family dynamics. I no longer speak to Rob's parents. Because of their actions, I cut off all contact. The most upsetting thing? I've lost the ability to ever see my dog again. They have Coco (which is the way it should be because I cannot care for a dog and work the hours I do), and that truly hurts.

If Tom doesn't want to force a sale of the house, then he may be able to ask the court to force it. Otherwise, he'll be stuck paying the solicitor's bill. You never know, they may be amenable to taking each month's rent as installments to pay off their charges.

Thanks, brenda. I'm glad I could be a cautionary tale. As soon as I'm done dealing with Rob's mess, I'll be putting an estate plan in place for myself. The best news? My freakin' parents FINALLY did their wills. I've just been on them about this for 20 years.

Pretty sure my parents have got all their shit in order, but it wouldn't hurt to double check.

I recently asked my mom to give me all the info I needed, and it consisted of things like this, and I quote:

"All our papers -- will, etc. -- are in the safe in [Stepdad's] office. He has the only key, so if we die at the same time, you're shit out of luck and need to call a safecracker."

ISTG, that's what it says. I may stand to inherit the Hope Diamond, but I "need to call a safecracker."

Also, it includes things like: "We have a joint account at [Bank Name]." That's it. No account info, nothing.

I think my mom is fuzzy on the concept of "information."

(Ironically, they are on vacation right now -- dear Northern California, WATCH OUT -- and so if something horrific happens, I will indeed need to call a safecracker. [She gave me the unhelpful info 2 days before they left, so there wasn't time to chase down the real info and to suggest that my stepdad get another fucking key for his safe.])

I love my family, but they are batshit crazy. (My mom texted me from Lake Tahoe this morning to tell me that she was watching the Weather Channel and that Cincinnati was supposed to get thunderstorms, so keep an eye out. INSANE.)

t edit My dad has no assets at all. He's a renter, on a fixed income, with no savings that I am aware of. But I know where all his stuff is (although, come to think of it, I don't know his bank info [he has a checking account and safety deposit box]), and he went through the process 2 years ago of setting up a plan to donate his body to UC Med school after he dies, and I have all the papers for that. Which I brought home and shoved as far back in my desk as I could, because denial is the best way to deal with one's parents' eventual mortality.)

I am pretty sure my parents' have their estate in some kind of order. I know they have had a will for a long time. My Aunt Jo was named as our guardian! We still tell her that we're going to come live with her after my parents pass.