I guess this is the week for depression. I invoke Allyson's Perspective clause; I know people have it worse than me, but since Sunday before last, I have been hit with the worst bout of the Black Dog in a couple of years.

Like, a week without bathing, I've lost 7 pounds, all I've done is sleep and zombie, I'm worrying my husband.

Bleargh.

So I'm forcing myself to type this because if I don't tell anyone, then The Black Dog will just dig in deeper and I'll go one saying "Dog? What dog?" until I bleed to death or get rabies.

Hi. There's a dog. I need to shower. I feel better than I did yesterday.

And Maria, if you hadn't come on-line yesterday talking about your maybe-dog (dog? what dog?), I'd probably be back in bed, instead of trying to mace my dog.

So, there's that, chica. (Why is it so much easier to see the awesome in others? And this isn't a mememe to tell me how great I am, because right now? I'm SO not great at all, and I know it. I'm pretty damned shit.)

This isn't making sense, but if I don't hit post now, I'll crawl back into bed, so fuck it.

go take a shower, then coffee and water. We love you.

Erin, are you not on meds anymore, or have they just stopped working for now? Sorry to hear it. :(

msbelle, I too go on vacation tomorrow (TO NEW ORLEANS WOOT!) and have zero motivation to do work. I have a ton of work to DO, but...sigh. I just caught up on all my email and sent a bunch of them, and now am ...on buffistas.

Hair-pats to Maria, Erin, and everyone else who wants/needs them, and hugs for everyone else.

I feel better than I did yesterday.

That's something, at least!

I was feeling really fat on Monday and getting myself down because I've been eating a LOT of sweets this past week. Then yesterday was the birthdays of my cubicle neighbors (identical twins, to continue with Rick's theme from yesterday!), so there were more sweets available, and then someone walked around offering ice cream sandwiches before they all melted, so I ate even MORE sweets. Ugh.

But then I weighed myself this morning, and I've lost three pounds since Monday. And I don't know how that happened, but I'll take it.

And, I just called the local Bally's and booked a tour for Saturday morning as well as a swim and possibly using some of the machines, and I'll be able to check out their whirlpool, steam bath, and locker room and see how nice they are.

The price is right; if I want to just use that facility, it's only $20/month, vs. Lifetime's $90/month, which is a terrifically gorgeous facility, but still...$90/month!!. My park district charges over $40/month for their fitness center and pool, but you have to pay extra for any classes, and the pool is practically unavailable three nights a week due to the high volume of swimming lessons going on. I'm looking forward to seeing what Bally's has, and to see if I'll like the vibe there.

I would like to have a sane and rewarding romantic relationship. It doesn't have to be forever, not by a long shot. I just want to try it and see what it's like. Everybody does it all the time, why can't I?

And then I get another headache, and I'm all "Uh, it's not so important. I need to lie down."

Erin, I'm sorry about the black dog at your heels. I'm glad you were able to come here and tell us about it.

I think the Clause thing might just take off.

Aw, Erin. Good on you for posting. Talking about stuff helps!

wow, now you guys have made me introspective which is hard on a kindle keyboard.

I think it might, Allyson.

I accomplished shower. I even shaved the leg hair of misery.

I'd already had coffee, which is more than I managed yesterday, and I am having water AND a banana. Thanks for the orders, msbelle. I needed them.

I changed the sheets. Which might seem counterintuitive, since I'm trying to get OUT of bed, but they were all torn up and the matress was just laying there, looking bare and sad, and now I feel better. I'll take it.

I'm still on meds; I'd been forgetting them daily, which is pretty common for me, but I've been forcing myself to remember for the last 3 days -- already taken them today.

Thank you.

I hate bananas.