bananas make you strong, like bull. you eat.

I et.

And now you can get credit when Hec's inevitable fruit audit comes up! So you're already ahead!

I'm glad you spoke up, Erin.

Erin! Good to see your pixels, sorry about the black dog. He'll behave better if you pay him some attention, probably. Texted you, btw.

Erin, I'm so glad you spoke up. We've got your back.

msbelle, you're the best.

I'm glad you're here, Erin. Very much what they said, up there.

Happy almost-vacation to msbelle and meara!

Erin, good luck in dealing with the Black Dog.

And do keep taking the meds. I can usually miss one day, but I really feel it if I miss two days in a row.

I am glad I did, too.

Ugh, it's been so long since I had a bad bout. And I haven't had one since I've been living with D -- not a long, scary one like this one. It's got to be so freaky looking at it from the outside looking in.

Last night he was like "I'm worried. You're wearing a sheet."

Me: "It's a flowered sheet?"

I disconnect so much when I do this. Forgive me if I post a bunch of stupid crap today, but I have to plug in somewhat.

I have to be grateful for Maria...but I also have to be grateful for a hairball. I sat down bare-assed on a wet, cold hairball on my pleather computer chair this morning, before I'd had a chance to sip at coffee, and I think the fact that I was able to be so wholeheartedly grossed out, despite my disgusting state of hygiene was the shock my system needed.

Combine with reading all the other stuff, I guess I was like "If you're not too far gone to be utterly oblivious to the sensation of cold hairball on ass, I guess you can grab yourself by the lady-cojones and do something about it."

I feel like shit, though, despite the shower, banana and coffee. My whole body aches, and my head hurts. At least I'm aware enough to know my body feels like shit? And I'm trying to do something about it? That's something.

This time last year I had just lost a job I loved and started a job I would very quickly come to hate. And my cat ran away. I was a ball of anxiety, I burst into tears at the slightest provocation, I was totally miserable. It sucked.

Right now I have two jobs I like and am making plans to start a small business that I'm pretty sure I'm going to love. I still miss my cat, but I can think of her without waterworks, because I am appropriately medicated and the therapy took. I'm writing on a regular basis. I socialize without anyone having to drag me bodily out of the house. I'm thinking about dating again.

It's pretty awesome how stuff can turn around.

Stuff can turn around, but you have to turn it around.

I hate depression. It's so...depressing. And it never goes away! No matter how hard you work at it, if you slip, it's right there (bad black dog) to bite you on the ass and drag you down again.

OK, I'm going to watch Once More With Feeling right now.

It's my obligatory "start digging self out of the grave" watch. I don't know why it works, but it does. Once I can get it on the player, it's like a kick-start.