Sorry if I bristled, Ginger. I was just running over here to my MiL's to babysit so you accidentally hit a nerve.

You owe your parents the best end-of-life experience you can provide. Most of the time, that's not being cared for in your home, or in a home you share with them. At least, not in my experience.

Just to absolutely clear, I don't disagree. If I had it to do again, I would have put my mom into a facility a year earlier than we did.

Conversations like this always make me think the utterly I-should-be-struck-by-lightning thought of, "Thank god my dad is almost guaranteed to be dropped by a heart attack."

Of course, the "almost" part of the "almost guaranteed" leaves wiggle room for 30 more years of asking me to program his GPS.

My mom has told me repeatedly, "NEVER take care of me; just put me in a good care facility." The thing is, the way she phrased it, I think it's because she loathes the idea of family taking care of her, not because she doesn't want to be a burden. In fact, I'd bet large sums of folding money on it.

Please, Goddess, forgive me for being so pathetic and grateful that I no longer have to worry about elderly parents.

edit: interesting crosspost with Teppy.

Hookers and blow!

but there are so many personal issues there

Suela that's the crux and pisser of it, isn't it? That's the issue we are struggling with. My MIL is fearful of everything, so trying to get her to be comfortable anywhere is the issue, and my husband doesn't want her upset, it's crazy-making.

ION, ita I love your discovery of Community. My daughter was fiscally irresponsible and bought the DVDs and forced me to mainline all the season 1 eps, and I thank her for it every day. Abed and Troy LOVE!

I think, frankly, we're trapped in many ways because previous generations often had elderly members of the family living with their kids--but they didn't live as long with chronic health issues.

So there were fewer elderly needing assistance, and often the family was larger, people lived closer together, and because the elderly were generally in good health the burden wasn't as great. (That said, my maternal grandmother had COPD and needed pretty regular care for the 3-4 years she lived with us.)

Anyway, that was the expectation my parents grew up with: that their parents would live with them when they aged, and they would live with their children. But both my paternal grandfathers died before they were 65, and only one of my grandmothers lived past 75. There was much less of an issue with long-term medical/nursing care.

Not to mention the fact that all the kids work, and we're geographically pretty dispersed. And here it is, again, with the daughters carrying most of the burden.

I find myself terribly resentful, and then feel guilty for being resentful, because they're my parents and I should be willing to sacrifice for them.

It's not hookers and blow, but it's mildly amusing, although I was not cheered by learning that 80% of the nation's carrot market is controlled by two firms.

Marketing carrots as fast food: [link]

Hookers and Blow!

Also, I just had to send an email to a vendor at Stanford saying, "um, you just redesigned your web site, and we are still using IE7 as our standard browser, and now your web site won't work on our standard browser, because it's still IE7, so what should we do?"

edit: interesting crosspost with Teppy.

Believe me, I feel like a jackass for being glad my dad will probably not go through a long decline.

And I am, in fact, thrilled that my mom doesn't want family to care for her. She would be the devil.

I find myself terribly resentful, and then feel guilty for being resentful, because they're my parents and I should be willing to sacrifice for them.

I am right there with you, and I'm not even faced with the type of situation you are. I just resent being the only person my dad ever turns to, EVER, for every problem that EVER pops up. Including the fucking GPS.