Wow, P-C that is just awful. Was your brother there or are they not even speaking to him? I didn't realize you were trying to find a wife on your own; I thought you had decided you were not ready to be married.

P-C's family is especially stressful right now, but I don't think family life ever runs smoothly for long. There is always money or health or anger or job loss or expectations or SOMETHING to stir things up. That's just what life is.

Was your brother there or are they not even speaking to him?

This was the ride to the airport, which I knew would be terrible. They never found the time to have The Talk when all three kids were together, fortunately or unfortunately. They speak to my brother, but obviously tensions are high. He doesn't stay the night, and that's all they care about. Even when he comes to the house at nine in the morning and stays till the afternoon, it doesn't count since he doesn't stay the night. They think he doesn't stay because he's "ashamed" of his white girlfriend, but I told them it's because they make him uncomfortable, and they replied that we only care about our own feelings and not theirs. My mom says she still loves him because he's her son, but...I don't remember the but.

I didn't realize you were trying to find a wife on your own

I've messaged Indian girls on OKCupid, and I went out on a couple dates with one. I'm not trying very hard, though. I've joined several Indian groups on Meetup.com but haven't gone to many of the events.

I thought you had decided you were not ready to be married.

I'm not, but there's nothing I can do about that. Who knows when I'll be ready? I don't even know what ready is. How am I supposed to know if I've never even had a relationship before?

There is always money or health or anger or job loss or expectations or SOMETHING to stir things up.

Sadly, this. After all the various dramas my family has been fairly chill recently (I'm already gay, my sister is already married to the Old Black Muslim, my brother has already moved to Europe, so there's only so much more we can do)...and even still, my mother is apparently bitching at my sister that she wants grandbabies, EVEN THOUGH she knows they have fertility issues!! (And when my sister finally sniped back "well, if you want them so bad give me the money for IVF!" my mom said she would, but dad wouldn't approve!! WTF?)

they also frame it as this One Little Thing they are asking me to do after they gave me all the freedoms in the world before now.

Right. I can totally see why they would say this...buuuuutttt...I seem to recall other things being the one little thing...or the BIGGEST THING EVER, at other times. So, yeah. No basis in logic.

Not that logic is required, but it's nice to hang onto when the madness creeps closer.

P-C, perhaps you should explain to your father that it will be bad for his career when people discover his wife is batshit crazy. What does he say to his patients who say they can't be happy because their children won't do what they say?

I don't even know what ready is. How am I supposed to know if I've never even had a relationship before?

P-C, I know this is really hard -- hurting family that you love, even unintentionally, always is -- but this is key.

A marriage is a big deal. Really. And you deserve to find someone to love and enjoy spending your life with on your time and your own terms, and not to make anyone happy but yourself.

I know it's not easy, though. I do. And I do know you love them. But you really have to think hard about what you want and what will make *you* happy. It's your life, and you only get one.

And I do know you love them. But you really have to think hard about what you want and what will make *you* happy. It's your life, and you only get one.

Amy is very, very wise.

Timelies, Bitches!

I am back after a month in the dark. I now have a lot of catching up to do.

This is the primary argument for doing what is right for you, rather than trying to meet the demands of others.

THIS.

My culture isn't your culture, my family isn't your family. What I can say is that I spent my life trying to please my parents as much as it was possible for me to do. And it made me pretty unhappy and DIDN'T make them happy. It was never enough for them. From what I've seen in my life and the lives of some of my siblings, the ones that are happier are the ones that cut off from my parents and did what they felt was right for them. And my parents didn't cut them off for that. In fact, my parents seem to respect them more.

And, if you believe we only get one shot at life, what Amy said is dead on.

I have so many regrets in life and practically none of them have to do with not having done what my parents wanted me to do. They have to do with repressing my talents and desires because they didn't meet with the approval of my parents. I'll never get those years back.