There is always money or health or anger or job loss or expectations or SOMETHING to stir things up.
Sadly, this. After all the various dramas my family has been fairly chill recently (I'm already gay, my sister is already married to the Old Black Muslim, my brother has already moved to Europe, so there's only so much more we can do)...and even still, my mother is apparently bitching at my sister that she wants grandbabies, EVEN THOUGH she knows they have fertility issues!! (And when my sister finally sniped back "well, if you want them so bad give me the money for IVF!" my mom said she would, but dad wouldn't approve!! WTF?)
they also frame it as this One Little Thing they are asking me to do after they gave me all the freedoms in the world before now.
Right. I can totally see why they would say this...buuuuutttt...I seem to recall other things being the one little thing...or the BIGGEST THING EVER, at other times. So, yeah. No basis in logic.
Not that logic is required, but it's nice to hang onto when the madness creeps closer.
P-C, perhaps you should explain to your father that it will be bad for his career when people discover his wife is batshit crazy. What does he say to his patients who say they can't be happy because their children won't do what they say?
I don't even know what ready is. How am I supposed to know if I've never even had a relationship before?
P-C, I know this is really hard -- hurting family that you love, even unintentionally, always is -- but this is key.
A marriage is a big deal. Really. And you deserve to find someone to love and enjoy spending your life with on your time and your own terms, and not to make anyone happy but yourself.
I know it's not easy, though. I do. And I do know you love them. But you really have to think hard about what you want and what will make *you* happy. It's your life, and you only get one.
Timelies, Bitches!
I am back after a month in the dark. I now have a lot of catching up to do.
This is the primary argument for doing what is right for you, rather than trying to meet the demands of others.
THIS.
My culture isn't your culture, my family isn't your family. What I can say is that I spent my life trying to please my parents as much as it was possible for me to do. And it made me pretty unhappy and DIDN'T make them happy. It was never enough for them. From what I've seen in my life and the lives of some of my siblings, the ones that are happier are the ones that cut off from my parents and did what they felt was right for them. And my parents didn't cut them off for that. In fact, my parents seem to respect them more.
And, if you believe we only get one shot at life, what Amy said is dead on.
I have so many regrets in life and practically none of them have to do with not having done what my parents wanted me to do. They have to do with repressing my talents and desires because they didn't meet with the approval of my parents. I'll never get those years back.
P-C, I have my own feelings about how you should be handling all this, but you don't need my feelings.
But I will say I haven't heard you say more than " yes, I'd like a girlfriend" While you might get lucky, the odds of finding a wife when the whole idea makes you crazy -- are slim. and not fair to you . Go to the Indian events, but go to your cons and work things and other friend things. Meet lots of friends, date a little -- until the idea of a wife is your idea. which might happen after you meet her.
