And because it's worth a separate post:

job~ma to Aims

it's nothing~ma to Frank and Sox's relative

best-possible~ma to bonny and sumi

I want to keep getting better as a writer, I want to sell well, I want critical approbation and to get starred reviews and appear on "Best of" lists, even though those are all just subjective and aren't really a reflection on how well I can write.

I don't know... I know I'm good at what I do. And while I have no illusions of being the next Toni Morrison or Isabel Allende or Michael Chabon, I at least want to be really good.

Barb, I totally get this. You're fine. Happy release day!

Thanks for the reassurance, y'all. It really does mean a lot.

Oh, and release day is actually next Tuesday.

You lucky people get to deal with me for nearly another week. I apologize in advance.

Matilda likes to compliment me on my belly size, as if I were some Diamond Age industrialist and a solid belly presence was a sign of health and prosperity.

She always says it so admiringly, and yet... yeah, not so much.

Mostly I'm just grateful that she hasn't yet said it about some poor random stranger on the street.

The volcano thing is apparently because kids will be traumatized by death or something.

Oh, as usual, dear. I just had a senior faculty member here worry that Allyson's book needs to be rewritten because the parents of third-through-sixth-graders will never let their children read a book that starts out with an earthquake. And, yeah, this is a man with three children and seven grandchildren. Have people like this never read, say, ANY FAIRY TALE EVER? Without death and orphans, you lose about 98% of Western children's literature.

I need some reasonable retort advice.

The message I sent to the bff expressing my concern with the way things have changed in our relationship and how hurt I have been by some of her recent behavior got an interesting response.

In my message, I said that I really understand that she's super busy these days. I also pointed that I asked 7 months ago for us to be able to use video chat, rather than the usual squeezed-between-errands calls or one line emails with zero personal content from her.

It also included a good deal of emotional content that was appreciative but not willing to pretend that I don't feel the way I feel.

I got a response that said she was 'shocked' and has 'a different perspective'. At no point did she step forward emotionally or acknowledge my feelings. She said she'd get back to me after thinking about it.

Eventually, she responded that she was looking for her camera and wants to schedule Skype so she can see me. Again, no emotion. In fact, it 'sounded' pretty demanding.

I should have asked for advice sooner because I responded saying that I'm not comfortable pulling out the video chat at this point and that I would rather not have a conversation about how she thinks my feelings are wrong.

Her response was, "okaaaay...not sure where this leaves us." Full stop.

My initial thought was, well, that leaves us with you basically admitting that the only reason you want to talk is to tell me my feelings are wrong...and you have to do that on your own terms. So. No thanks. And, by the way? Thanks for proving my point about the annoyance that is the one line email.

What would be a better thought, and/or response?

She always says it so admiringly, and yet... yeah, not so much.

Aww. In our house we've had to have a few talks about how Mommy's big belly is a fun happy topic for conversation, but it's not really polite to ask if Daddy is also going to have a baby come out of HIS big tummy.

ugh, bonny. At this point I would be asking myself if the good that's coming out of this relationship outweighs the bad. Is bff worth the effort when she doesn't seem to be willing to meet you half way, let alone understanding how you feel?

ugh, bonny. At this point I would be asking myself if the good that's coming out of this relationship outweighs the bad. Is bff worth the effort when she doesn't seem to be willing to meet you half way, let alone understanding how you feel?

Sadly, this is my sense of it. Still, as a normally cordial person, I'm not sure how to articulate that without coming off as a bitca.

Well, you could see setting up a camera as acknowledging your feelings. You said that was important to you and now she's doing it. If it really has been a lon friendship, I would give it another chance where you can speak to each other. She may be waiting to talk about feelings with you until you can actually "see" each other.

Do you have to? I feel like you laid out all your feelings for her and she completely overlooked them. If it was me I'd queue up a bunch of, "sorry, I don't have room/time for that right now" for her and figure maybe in a few years the friendship will come back around.