Do you have to? I feel like you laid out all your feelings for her and she completely overlooked them. If it was me I'd queue up a bunch of, "sorry, I don't have room/time for that right now" for her and figure maybe in a few years the friendship will come back around.

Barb, listen to sj. sj is wise.

bonny, listen to Laga. Laga is wise. I don't think you can teach her to be willing to acknowledge or consider your needs and feelings. She has made it plain that it is ok for her to jerk you around with regards to when and how you spend time together, but that it is not ok for you to have emotions independent of her judgment. Look at which way the energy is flowing - can you sustain the energy you spend on her, with the return she is giving you? Or is it time to just let her go.

Scrappy, I take your point but one thing I said initially was that I had waited so long for the video thing that I'm not sure I even want it any more. I should mention that I asked more than 6 months ago. She said she was down with it and would get to it in a week. After two reminders and a particularly snotty/defensive "I don't have time to find my camera!' response about 5 months ago, I gave up. NOW, it's her idea and, therefore, the only solution.

Look at which way the energy is flowing - can you sustain the energy you spend on her, with the return she is giving you? Or is it time to just let her go.

Yeeeaaaaahhhh. There's the rub.

Scrappy is wise once again. I have no idea if this is true for your friend but if I was on the receiving end of the letter you sent her I'd be feeling hurt and defensive and also like I couldn't really express myself in an email message.

I can also see where setting up a video chat would be the kind of task that would overwhelm me. No matter how much I loved the person who would be on the other end of it.

Not that your feelings of disappointment in her and the friendship aren't valid, bonny.

gnarrgh! I'm not ready to get up yet but I'm supposed to help take the babysat to the park today and I need a wash.

Matilda likes to compliment me on my belly size, as if I were some Diamond Age industrialist and a solid belly presence was a sign of health and prosperity.

Mal lost privileges to be in the bathroom with me while I wash my hair (kneeling beside the tub) because he WILL NOT obey House Rule #3: Do Not Play With A Parent's Woggle.

Uh. That being our word for grabbable midsection fat. Originally used to describe The Cat Legion's physique.

I am apple shaped and it's very frustrating. Midsection fat is totally difficult to lose.

My fat made it next to impossible to pass the skills test last night at CPR class. It is now physically impossible for me to actually bend my head down far enough to do rescue breaths. I hate being fat, and I hate that it is getting in my way, and I hate that nothing I have ever done to stop being fat ever actually earned me the privilege of being skinny.

bonny, I'm going to back up Scrappy and lisah on this one. The two of you obviously have very different takes on what has happened between you, and she may be feeling shocked, hurt, and like she can't adequately explain herself over email. So she's trying to do some damage control.

I know how frustrated you are with her, and you have every right to be! But she is reaching out to you now -- even if not in the way you'd like -- and that says to me that there is at least a chance that she doesn't want to lose your friendship and would be willing to make changes. No guarantee, obviously. But it might be worth a try.