But if a kid wants to dress as, say, one of the Avatar characters (and NOT a "sexy nurse" or "sexy bee," let me be very clear) that's her creativity and expression.

If she's young enough she's not thinking about being "fuckable," she's thinking about liking that movie and those characters and she should get to do that without adults putting their expectations on her.

If she's old enough that she IS starting to feel sexual its an opportunity to begin to express that. It's her new body she's growing into and figure out and my discomfort with that fact (and some pervy dude's "comfort" with it) shouldn't get in the way of her first baby-steps into developing her sexuality.

Now, it gets a talk -- several... before, during and after. Its a decidedly teachable moment. And she's going trick-or-treating in a large group or to a fully chaperoned party in it. She can explore these things safely both becuase its halloween and the rules shift and because I'm her mother and I'm actively raising her.

Yes, but there's a difference between developing sexuality naturally and something like this for a 9-year-old [link] I know this is a celeb-kid, but I see stuff like that on Halloween on regular kids.

That violates my rule though. It's not an actual costume, just a whore version of an actual costume.

She's not playing a character, she's playing "a slutty witch."

If she were dressed as, say, The Bee Girl (and it were fifteen years ago) she wouldn't be showing about the same skin but she'd be expressing something besides "I'm a nine year old looking weirdly hot". I wish I could think of a more contemporary example.

Steph, thank you for posting your thoughts so articulately. Because you outlined ALL of my objections to the sexy costumes.

THIS. Absolutely. And thank you.

I dressed as Catwoman for Halloween when I was 11. I can't remember why I chose that costume -- "Batman Returns" had come out that year, so I'd seen the ads for that, but I don't think I'd seen the actual movie. We wore our costumes to school for the afternoon, and I remember spending much of that afternoon veering between, "Eeek! I'm wearing something tight, and everyone can see that I have breasts! Must hide!" and "Hey, I look kind of like the woman in the movie. I look good."

The year before, I'd been Robin Hood. I think my mother asked me if I wouldn't rather be Maid Marian, and I said no, and she left it at that. I think my reasoning was that Robin Hood got to carry a bow and arrow, and Maid Marian didn't really do anything interesting. Plus, Marian wore a dress, and I hated dresses. My mom probably figured she'd rather sew a Robin Hood costume -- which was basically a brown tunic worn over green tights -- than a Marian dress, and she could work on getting me to like wearing dresses some other time.

Now that I think about it, very few of my Halloween costumes were specifically girl costumes. I can remember two costumes that were specifically male characters, three that were specifically female, and most of the rest were non-gendered things like pumpkin or cat.

I think I don't know enough about childhood development to hold up my end of the conversation. I believe people should be able to dress however they want, but I don't know in what way how a child is perceived effects how they mature.

Well, not only is my problem with the effects on children's maturity, but also on the overall effect on society. I think that sexy costumes for little girls creates a world in which sexualized children become more and more "normal." Not quickly, but over time. And that, too, is dangerous. And unsafe.

Very much what Steph is saying. Premature sexualisation of girls especially is bad for everyone, not just the girls.

Yup, not to pile on, but I agree here.

Also, it's difficult for kids to make decisions about stuff that's sexualized for themselves, because they don't always have a clear understanding of what that means.

Like me grinding on the dance floor. Because I had no clue how that motion translated to sexuality, I didn't really realize that I was projecting a sexual image, only that it was a dance move I'd seen done by older dancers I admired.

People who sexualize children will do it regardless though. I wish I had a link to the article but I read once, several years ago, about pedophiles frequently being busted and detectives finding videotapes of old Flipper episodes. They had complete sets, were selling and trading them, etc. Sandy and Bud running around barefoot and in cutoffs were very sexy to these men.

It's not what the kids wear that sexualizes them, its the pervert who thinks kids are sexy.

Also, it's difficult for kids to make decisions about stuff that's sexualized for themselves, because they don't always have a clear understanding of what that means.

Like me grinding on the dance floor. Because I had no clue how that motion translated to sexuality, I didn't really realize that I was projecting a sexual image, only that it was a dance move I'd seen done by older dancers I admired.

But its NOT sexual if a little kid is doing it, its a dance step. As a kid gets older and their body developes its a dance step that warrants a discussion and some consideration.

I think about my friends the Is. Huge Cuban family, wonderful parties, those four year olds dance rings around me. Those kids do shit with their hips I only dream of doing -- but since they're four year olds its clear they're just doing dance steps. As they become teens the tone starts to shift and when they're adults its sexy as hell -- but they're still dancing at a family party. It's sexy but clearly it isn't a pick-up scene. Context matters. My friend M isn't trying to nail her uncle -- hell, she's Lesbian -- that's just how you do the dance.