I'm not their mom. I don't like it, but I don't think it's up to me.

Well, I didn't say enough in my previous post to be clear on this matter, but I certainly don't think that it *should* be up to you or any other non-parent to actually make the decision as to what someone's child should wear. That would be taking an action that is clearly not yours (or any other person who isn't the actual parent of a given child) to take.

But not liking it -- well, that's where I come in.

My opinion (which, duh, since I'm posting it's obviously my opinion and not that of my dog [who has no opinion]) is that there is a certain level of responsibility of all members of a society to create and maintain as great a level of safety and health as possible for all members of that society, including (perhaps especially) the children.

I'm not talking a utopia, nor am I talking totalitarianism. I'm talking, basically, along the lines of "it takes a village." I believe that the sexualization of children is absolutely destructive, damaging, and unhealthy, both for the children and the society that allows it to take place unquestioned. Despite the argument of "It's only Halloween!", I believe that skimpy, revealing costumes on young girls are only adding to the unhealthy sexualization of children.

I don't have a daughter, so I can't take action by approving what she wears, even for Halloween. But I can express my opinion and explain why I believe what I believe, whenever the opportunity arises. It's the only way I have of trying to help make the world we live in a safe and healthy one.

When I see a kid in a whorish outfit, I don't see them as a sex object, I either think it's funny or sad. I'm much more worried about things like dance recitals and youtube videos. I believe we should be more concerned about how the kids are acting than about what they're wearing.

When I see a kid in a whorish outfit, I don't see them as a sex object, I either think it's funny or sad.

I'm not really speaking of your specific reaction. Maybe I'm not being clear.

Sexy costumes for little girls reinforces the message that the "acceptable" way to look -- and be -- is "sexy," is as a sex object. Grown women already get bombarded with that message countless times a day, and that's bad enough. Women, however, have at least reached sexual and emotional maturity and can presumably process and/or refute that message. Little girls, on the other hand, have not reached sexual and emotional maturity. Because they're KIDS. Dressing them up in revealing, "sexy" outfits sends them a message that they're not even equipped to really process and/or try to refute.

And, frankly, I have a very big problem with little girls in costumes that are meant to make them look -- there's no other word for it -- fuckable.

Steph, thank you for posting your thoughts so articulately. Because you outlined ALL of my objections to the sexy costumes.

I think I don't know enough about childhood development to hold up my end of the conversation. I believe people should be able to dress however they want, but I don't know in what way how a child is perceived effects how they mature. I do recall that when a t-shirt I had as a tween that said, "saucy" elicited a couple of weird reactions from strange men, I stopped wearing it.

Much as I hate to go back into the oven, I have to go home. sigh.

But if a kid wants to dress as, say, one of the Avatar characters (and NOT a "sexy nurse" or "sexy bee," let me be very clear) that's her creativity and expression.

If she's young enough she's not thinking about being "fuckable," she's thinking about liking that movie and those characters and she should get to do that without adults putting their expectations on her.

If she's old enough that she IS starting to feel sexual its an opportunity to begin to express that. It's her new body she's growing into and figure out and my discomfort with that fact (and some pervy dude's "comfort" with it) shouldn't get in the way of her first baby-steps into developing her sexuality.

Now, it gets a talk -- several... before, during and after. Its a decidedly teachable moment. And she's going trick-or-treating in a large group or to a fully chaperoned party in it. She can explore these things safely both becuase its halloween and the rules shift and because I'm her mother and I'm actively raising her.

Yes, but there's a difference between developing sexuality naturally and something like this for a 9-year-old [link] I know this is a celeb-kid, but I see stuff like that on Halloween on regular kids.

That violates my rule though. It's not an actual costume, just a whore version of an actual costume.

She's not playing a character, she's playing "a slutty witch."

If she were dressed as, say, The Bee Girl (and it were fifteen years ago) she wouldn't be showing about the same skin but she'd be expressing something besides "I'm a nine year old looking weirdly hot". I wish I could think of a more contemporary example.

Steph, thank you for posting your thoughts so articulately. Because you outlined ALL of my objections to the sexy costumes.

THIS. Absolutely. And thank you.

I dressed as Catwoman for Halloween when I was 11. I can't remember why I chose that costume -- "Batman Returns" had come out that year, so I'd seen the ads for that, but I don't think I'd seen the actual movie. We wore our costumes to school for the afternoon, and I remember spending much of that afternoon veering between, "Eeek! I'm wearing something tight, and everyone can see that I have breasts! Must hide!" and "Hey, I look kind of like the woman in the movie. I look good."

The year before, I'd been Robin Hood. I think my mother asked me if I wouldn't rather be Maid Marian, and I said no, and she left it at that. I think my reasoning was that Robin Hood got to carry a bow and arrow, and Maid Marian didn't really do anything interesting. Plus, Marian wore a dress, and I hated dresses. My mom probably figured she'd rather sew a Robin Hood costume -- which was basically a brown tunic worn over green tights -- than a Marian dress, and she could work on getting me to like wearing dresses some other time.

Now that I think about it, very few of my Halloween costumes were specifically girl costumes. I can remember two costumes that were specifically male characters, three that were specifically female, and most of the rest were non-gendered things like pumpkin or cat.