Jesus Christ. I called in the middle of The Talk, Take Three. And they put me on speakerphone. So I got to be part of the hell for an hour.

"You know I'm completely on his side, right?" I said.

"Why am I not surprised," my mom said.

"Everyone's on my side!" my brother said.

"Yeah, pretty much everyone's on his side," I agreed.

"Who? Who's everyone?" she said.

"THE ENTIRE WORLD," I said. "Of sense," I added.

And then there was a whole lot of yelling about how we were so intelligent now after all that education they paid for, and it would have been better if we had not been educated, because then we would listen to them. I was sorry for not being racist, I was sorry for being intelligent, I was sorry we turned out so well, I was sorry that our vision of happiness was different from their vision of happiness.

Sometimes I had to hold the phone away from my ear, the yelling was so loud.

She asked if we'd thought about our sister and how it would affect her. I asked if she'd asked her what she thought, whether she thought her brother had hurt her by tarnishing our reputation and making it harder for her to find a husband, but of course they hadn't, because her opinions, like our opinions, don't matter.

They kept saying my brother's girlfriend's name wrong, and we corrected them, and they were like, whatever, and I said, "NO, not whatever, she has a name, Christ!" And they were like, whatever.

They were trying to hang on to their culture, and their culture did not allow Indians to marry non-Indians. Mixed-race couples didn't work, the existence of happy mixed-race couples was irrelevant, the fact that it was 2010 and there were more and more mixed-race couples was irrelevant, fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce only in America, Indian couples always make it work and don't get divorced and it's certainly not because they're too ashamed of the stigma to stop being unhappy in their relationship, Indians are the only ones who can compromise, and so on.

My mom had a complete breakdown over the fact that my brother had called her nosy. "I don't appreciate being called nosy!" she cried. I did not interject to say, "Dude, you're FUCKING NOSY." "If I was nosy, I would have found out about this a long time ago!" Okay, she had a point there. She clearly is not nosy enough.

They were afraid that he was going to lose them. "Why would I lose you?" my brother cried. "You're not going to come visit me? You're not going to come?" I wanted to reach through the phone and hug the poor kid. He was doing well, but he was a lot more emotional than I'd imagined from his IM retellings.

There was a silence. "Whether or not he loses you," I said, "is up to you." This wise statement was answered by my dad, who berated me for being so intelligent.

He asked me if I'd taken off the vacation time for the India trip, and I said my work schedule didn't allow it. My mom filled him in on my bullshit excuse, which was bullshit because my dad had worked for thirty years, and he took holidays and vacations, and he was a DOCTOR, so quit with my bullshit. I did not bother responding that the very fact that he WAS a doctor, for fuck's sake, meant he had a much more flexible schedule than someone in my industry, who had to adhere to deadlines and regulations.

Then they went on about how society would treat them. Look at all these Indian cultural events; how many white people do you see there???

"You don't think he's thought about this?" I asked. "You don't think he's thought about it all this time?"

"I don't know if he's thought about it!" she said. "I only just found about it."

"He understands the social implications, but he clearly thinks they're worth it because they are two human beings in a relationship!" At this, my dad cut me off because he's allergic to reason.

Then for some reason the subject changed to that e-mail I sent about not wanting to talk about marriage and why I had sent it to my aunt, and my brother and I had to explain the difference between sending and copying when it came to e-mail. And then they tried to ONCE AGAIN rope me back into the process, and I said that even if I knew it was good logically, I just could not deal with it emotionally.

And then I got shit for not visiting home twice or three times a year. And then I got shit for not returning phone calls. And when I honestly said that I had to prepare for the phone call turning into THIS, he did not accept that as a reason, of course, since this was new, and how many conversations ended up like this? A FUCKING LOT OF THEM GODDAMMIT YOU WERE THERE.

And then my mom asked me when I found out about my brother and his girlfriend. I said I didn't know when, it had been a while. She asked why I hadn't told them. "Because this would happen!" I said. She said that if she hadn't found out about them, I wouldn't have told her, is that right? "That is correct," I said. I wouldn't tell her that my brother was doing something wrong? "It's not wrong in my eyes, that's the point!"

"It's not like I was doing drugs," said my brother.

Oh God, there was also the part where my mom said we clearly wished we were born to white parents because then we would be white and everything would be fine. I said that no, then we wouldn't be who we are. No, we would be the same, but with white parents! Hurrah!

"I'm not going to play your game," I said. "I'm not going to let you tell us what we think."

The flogging eventually ended, and my dad said I could get back what I was doing. I didn't tell him that it was too late: I had called on my way to meet a friend for ice cream, and she waited for me for like fifteen or twenty minutes before I told her that she should just go since I didn't know how long this would go on, and then I walked back home.

My brother called while I was writing this and apologized for even jokingly suggesting they put me on speaker, as he didn't mean to put me through that, but he was really glad I was there to support him. He filled me in on a gem I had missed before joining. My mom had asked whether his girlfriend's parents knew that his parents didn't approve. Yes, they did, and they still supported the couple. And then my mom basically said that of course they would, since my brother was going to be a doctor, and she could just live off him. To his very minor credit, my dad called bullshit on that one. (Any points he won with that were entirely lost later on.)

There's more I can't remember or didn't hear clearly, but dear God, that was grueling. And I can expect a follow-up call tomorrow.

Oh, P-C, I love you so much for being not racist, and educated, and true to your culture as BOTH an American and an Indian, and, generally, being a mensch and a stand-up dude and an awesome brother. (Tomorrow, don't forget earplugs)

Geez, P-C! How did you turn out so well?

Jaysus, that's awful, P-C! I'm sorry you (and your brother) have to go through that.

Good going P-C and Brother Cow! You guys are doing a wonderful job of supporting each other.

P-C, you're a great storyteller but I am so sorry that you're going through this. But, what everyone else said - you're fighting the good fight. It's worth it.

Oh, P-C! What amych said, all the way!

And Spidra, no worries, I felt the ~ma all the same. Thanks. And thanks to all the rest of you wonderful Bitches. {{}}

Much ~ma to Pix and ND!!! I'm so sorry this is happening. Many, many pain-free vibes headed your way. I hope they figure out what this is soon.

That's scary, ND and Kristin. Sending ~ma westward.

I woke up at 5 and just gave up trying to sleep. Do not want.

And then they wonder why you don't come by as much as they'd like? Goodness, P-C. I'm glad your brother has you.

Much figure it out and get it fixed~ma for ND.