sj, the bride should be focused on the big stuff--not micromanaging the guest baskets. Sheesh. I'd be a tad annoyed, too.

Yay, Drew! Enjoy home!

And Seska, I also agree with smonster. If there's someone you can talk to one-on-one and say (in your own words, of course), "This isn't my kooky personal preference. This is making it difficult for me to participate."

And I'm not sure whether this is feasible because I don't know the specifics, but if possible, be willing to be creative. The point is to enable you to communicate with the group, not necessarily to make sure communication happens in a certain way. So be open to alternatives that allow you to communicate, even if it isn't necessarily the exact method you have in mind.

Oh my god. I posted on Facebook last night that I was happy that friends of mine got engaged, and someone replied with OH MY GOD, CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU AND TIM, which then prompted other people to post the same thing.

So I woke up this morning to all these congratulations on my "engagement," and I was all "Buh?" and "Zuh?" because I was pretty sure that if I had actually gotten engaged, I would have been less subtle about letting people know.

Fucking weird, y'all. I thought Mercury was out of retrograde, but apparently the effects are still hanging around*me*.

(Note: I AM NOT ENGAGED. If I were, believe me, I would make it CLEARLY known.)

(Note: I AM NOT ENGAGED. If I were, believe me, I would make it CLEARLY known.)

Yeah, right.

Happy engagement, Teppy!

I just hope that you can fight the Facebook gossip before the news will get to your family, Steph.

(Note: I AM NOT ENGAGED. If I were, believe me, I would make it CLEARLY known.)

Yeah, right.

Subtle, I aint.

When the friends who got engaged told us, the bride-to-be did so by sticking out her left hand, which featured a band-style ring on the ring finger. I assumed it was a wedding band, because I had never really seen anyone have a band-style ring as an engagement ring (not that there's anything wrong with that; I just am apparently sheltered and have not seen such a thing), so I asked, "Oh my god, did you elope?!?" Which was met with, "What? No! This is an ENGAGEMENT ring," said in the tone that one uses to explain to a child that the sun isn't destroyed every night when it sets.

Well, damn it, if you actually USE YOUR WORDS and say something like "We are getting married in October," instead of sticking your hand in my face, I might not be so confused.

sj, wishing you less-sick~ma. I hope the bride doesn't send you loopy.

That's funny, Teppy! You should have a not-engaged party.

Thanks for the advice on my little quandry, all, which is good.

Seska, do you have a personal connection with anyone in charge, that you could approach privately with your concerns?

Yes, I know some of the people running the org, and I have been talking to at least one of them about these kinds of things. I had understood that this person was already aware of my inability to communicate on the phone (although I don't always explain these things well, so it's possible not).

Shir, your advice was just shy of what I had already done - I sent an e-mail this morning which wasn't aggressive, but was very clear that I can only do so much within my role if I don't have the access and resources to do so. I don't want to threaten to quit, as that could be seen as passive-aggressive or manipulative, but I hope I've now communicated that it's becoming almost impossible for me to carry out my role effectively.

And I'm not sure whether this is feasible because I don't know the specifics, but if possible, be willing to be creative. The point is to enable you to communicate with the group, not necessarily to make sure communication happens in a certain way. So be open to alternatives that allow you to communicate, even if it isn't necessarily the exact method you have in mind.

Oh, completely. I'm nothing if not flexible, and I'd be willing to communicate in any way that would work - including travelling back to London as often as needed for face-to-face meetings. I've asked for a meeting with the person in charge, and will do whatever seems to work, but it does need to be accessible to me.

I think part of the confusion here is that I neither have a hearing impairment, nor is my cognitive/ASD impairment always very clear to other people (I have really good coping strategies), so it doesn't make obvious sense that I can't use the phone (and do various other things that I'm being asked to do, but which I wasn't told about when I took on the role). And maybe people also don't quite get that it's possible to be both physically and invisibly disabled! Generally it seems to confuse people that there are things I can't do for cognitive reasons. The fact that I'm a postgrad student doesn't help with that. I could probably be clearer about what I need, and what 'accessible' is for me. How I get clearer about that, though, is difficult for me. I have no idea. I don't want to have to explain what an autistic spectrum condition is to everyone I work with, especially when I don't have Asperger's and not everyone recognises the condition I do have as an ASD. And I don't like oversharing medical stuff. And, wah.

On the plus side, packing is going well. The Girl is spinning around the flat like Taz. Whee. And I got a support plan agreed by social workers in Nottingham, so I will have PCAs there (this could easily have failed to get agreed in this economic climate).

Teppy, I had to read your FB post twice last night to make sure you weren't saying you'd gotten engaged.

Yay, for Drew@Home on the real food!

Steph, that is an awesome pinata. Ginger FTW!

Happy Belated Birthday to Nora!

Rest well, bonny, and get better soon.

I'm way far behind and not sure who else needs hugs, but do consider yourself hugged if you need/want it.

Seska, I do make an effort...it's just hard to lose. But I went through a really touchy period where I took "lame" personally so I try not to engage on that front too heavily. I made that point just to say that we all are products of an ableist culture, I suppose, and that things we learn as children can be the deepest habit. Also, if somebody is commited to insult you, they will...maybe they'll just call 'em "Kenyan socialists"