Oh, Vortex. That's both highly comical and making me slightly rage out on your behalf. On the big eternal scale, your dad owes you so very big-time for having bailed on you so early. It seems like your mom is just desperately needy and unmoored without him, and you're bearing the brunt of it.

True, but it is what it is. My new policy of stepping back (I'm calling it the Austerity Measures) is working wonders.

Oddly, I feel a little bit bad when she gets upset over this kind of thing, because I know that I didn't do anything, she's just unhappy.

We'll see how long that lasts.

Three days.

Why has this never occurred to me before? You two kids should get together. Or, since you don't seem to be into one another, pretend to get together. Just IMAGINE Thanksgiving. You two could have a reality show. I posit Mother-in-Law From HELL (big flames and screaming metal guitars shooting up on Hell, obvs) as the title.

For sweeps you could do a cross-over you and share a beach house with Teppy's not-Father-in-Law, et. al. Their show is still in devlopment, we're thinking, "If my Muslim President Can Wear A Dress So can I" With Tim and Teppy shopped into this photo for the ad campaign [link]

Then, in a very special episode, my friend's 92 year old grandmother can come over and be endearing and confused. There will be much shouting and a plethora of accents... (anyone southern? can anyone FAKE sourthern?) but in the end everyone will grow and share and hug and cry.

I...would totally watch this show.

Possibly from the hallway, but I would watch!

Because they LOVE each other and they deserve to be HAPPY

I LOVE IT AND I WANT IT ON MY BUMPER.

Dang, Vortex.

anyone southern? can anyone FAKE sourthern?

Ooo! Ooo! My grandfather can guest star! With his Glenn Beck obsession and plethora of Confederate flags and fondness for guns, I'm sure he'll be a hit!

Erin, I'm glad you were able to go out and enjoy the show. How are you feeling today?

Shit, Smonster, your grandfather could have a spinoff.

Mark Burnett, stand back. Buffistas are about to steal your throne as the Gary Marshall of reality TV. EAT OUR DUST, SURVIVOR BOY!

Vortex, considering personality and recent unwanted and resented changes in her life, is there any possibility she could be having organic mental issues? Would it be worth speaking to her doctor and having it checked out, just to cover your bases? I don't mean to speak out of turn, but when I dealt on a regular basis with a difficult relative, I did miss signs of an actual illness because I attributed behavior to general crankiness when it was something more serious.

MY BIG FAT CRANKY ALL-AMERICAN FAMILY

smonster, there's a lingering soreness, and I don't want to be lifting anything heavy or make any sudden moves, but it's a 1000x better than yesterday.

I am horrible about icing injuries, but this has made me a convert. It might turn into a version of Chris Rock's "Robotussin" cure: [link]

"I think my brain is leaking out my ears."

"Well, put SOME ICE on it! That'll fix it!"

anyone southern? can anyone FAKE sourthern?

I can fake a central North Carolina accent. And I have a mother who thinks anyone Republican and Christian should be thrown out of the country, but doesn't understand how non-Christian me could take offense (and that doesn't even touch the way she reacted when I came out to my parents -- "We didn't dress you in girls' clothes when you were a baby, so you can't be gay.") And a cousin who's told me (a Federal government employee) more than once that he'd like to see a military coup in this country.

Vortex, could you start looking at jobs in ... would California be far enough? ooh! HAWAII! if nothing else, the weather would be nicer

I have a mother (grandfather's daughter) who wants to be in charge of what colors are fashionable, and cried when I told her my brother's best friend was gay (she couldn't even say gay, she said happy) (thereby delaying my own coming out for a year) (and that was 12 years ago and we still just. don't. talk about it.) and who believes the confederate flag isn't racist.

Also, for point/counterpoint, we could put my grandpa (from mom's side) up against my grandma (from dad's side), who when I came out to her said, "Oh, I know that! I've known that for years! I don't care, it's your personal life and I love you." Never coming out to grandpa, btw.