That's sad, Maria. I've always been grateful for the time I had with my mom at the end of her life. She was dying of cancer and had a stroke and was emaciated and looked terrible. But it meant so much to her to just have the people she loved around her. Just sitting on the bed with her and holding her hand. She knew she was loved and that's really a lot at the end.
Tep, soon your long national nightmare will be over. Then I strongly suggest you look over your finances and find a way to treat yourself for a couple weeks. Because you need to make an investment in Teppy's Well being.
Everyone grieves in her own way.
All I want to do is run away and not deal. That's not grieving; that's avoidance.
It's like I'm feeling too much and I don't know how to make the deluge stop. Then add anger because I can't fucking "deal," and I'm caught in a loop. Curling up in a ball is not an option.
Maria, try not to be hard on yourself. You feel what you feel. There is no right or wrong way to feel. And this is a safe place to talk about how you feel - so that it doesn't fester inside you but also will not cause hurt to other members of your family who also have to carry this burden of grief. It's hard enough that your family has already gone through the pain of your uncle getting sick; the further pain that you anticipate is going to be immensely hard to handle. It's not like ear-piercing, where a person might have more actual pain from worrying than the event itself. There is no escaping the stress, sadness, worry for others, grief that is coming to your family as your uncle's illness progresses. The worry that you are experiencing now is an additional burden. I wish there were words to say that would make it easier, but all I've got is, be gentle with yourself.
All I want to do is run away and not deal. That's not grieving; that's avoidance.
It's a valid reaction.
I'm so sorry, Maria. All the ~ma in the world to you and your family.
Running away is a coping strategy. Try not to be so hard on yourself.
{{Maria}} I cannot agree with what Andi said enough. Be kind and gentle with yourself and vent here when you need to.
{{{{{Maria and family}}}}} I'm so sorry that the news wasn't better. Please don't be so hard on yourself, you're having a normal reaction to very bad news.
Teppy, good luck for you and Tim in getting that kid to Texas.
All I want to do is run away and not deal. That's not grieving; that's avoidance.
Maybe part of you is running away, meanwhile another part is confronting you with own actions. Maybe you need to explore both of these strategies right now. That's what I mean about being kind to yourself. You will work through your feelings in your own way, in your own time. Don't beat yourself up with "shoulds."
