Maybe you need to explore both of these strategies right now. That's what I mean about being kind to yourself. You will work through your feelings in your own way, in your own time.

Exactly. The impulse to run away or curl up in a ball is not the same thing as doing it. Give yourself some time to work through these issues. If nothing else, recognize the strength of these feelings is really in exact proportion to how much you love your uncle and your dad. It is a huge loss and it is hard to look it in the face. But I know that you will be there for your Dad and Uncle when you're ready.

Sorry. I didn't mean to disappear on you. Work doesn't stop even though I'm working through whether I can fall apart or not.

Thank you so much for... this. I don't even know what to call the last handful of posts, because they're not just encouragement, sympathy, hairpats, and understanding. It's more concrete, like something I can hold on to.

The "shoulds" and the anticipation of all of the various ways this will play out are what's doing me in. I don't know how to turn that off right now.

Wow, I've fooled everyone into thinking I'm strong, including myself. Hello, this is the lie.

Maria, I'm so very sorry. I wish I had something to say to make it easier, but I don't. I've been there, and it's rough, and miserable, but you will make it through the far side of this. Lean on your friends as much as you can, do anything you need to do to keep yourself sane, and try not to beat up on yourself too much.

Wow, I've fooled everyone into thinking I'm strong, including myself. Hello, this is the lie.

That's not a lie. You are strong. And then, sometimes, there are moments you need to lean on people. Doesn't diminish you in the least.

Strong isn't how you feel--strong is what you DO. Feeling overwhelmed or frightened or panicked is normal.

And I'm being incredibly selfish by not acknowledging that others are going through some lousy shit right now too. Please know that I am sending you as much strength and love as you've given me.

Maria, you've had some very wise people tell you that what you're feeling is valid. Believe them. Nobody does well at this, at least not inside where only they can see. You'll find your way to be there for your family, and they will for you.

Teppy, you're an amazing person. I'm glad there is light at the end of the tunnel. And Tim is a wonderful man.

Wow, I've fooled everyone into thinking I'm strong, including myself. Hello, this is the lie.

Honey, you are strong. Really, you are. Just because you don't feel it right now doesn't make it any less true. But, sometimes even the strongest people need to lean on someone else for a while, sometimes even the strongest people are completely overwhelmed, sometimes even the strongest people need to let someone else take care of them. It's perfectly natural, and it doesn't make you any less strong. I promise. And I'm so sorry.

Wow, I've fooled everyone into thinking I'm strong, including myself. Hello, this is the lie.

It's not weak to want to run away. Actually running away would be. But you have time to sort through this.

As the notion goes, bravery isn't defined by being fearless, but by facing your fears.

As the notion goes, bravery isn't defined by being fearless, but by facing your fears.

This. Self-awareness doesn't make you weak. It makes you stronger in the long run.