What Teppy said.

I'm just kind of numb. I'm almost paralyzed by the thought of losing him, and then I feel silly because I should be stronger than that. I've been weepy at the most inopportune times and I'm creating excuses in my head why I can't go see him. I just don't want to watch him deteriorate. I want to remember him as he was before this.

And that sucks. I'm better than that, and I'm no coward. I feel like shit for even entertaining these thoughts.

Oh Maria, please don't be so hard on yourself. There aren't any "shoulds" when it comes to grieving. Everyone grieves in her own way.

I just don't want to watch him deteriorate. I want to remember him as he was before this.

If it's any help at all, after watching my mother's deterioration for years, I still remember her the way she was before she got sick. It hurts like hell, no lie, but if you see him now, you'll still remember his whole life. I'm so sorry for your uncle, and sorry you and your family have to go through this.

Teppy, you're holding it together like a *champ*, you really are. And you're nice enough to put pillows on the sofa for him! Soon he will be gone, and his little dog, too.

Tep, Tim is absolutely doing the right thing.

Maria, my heart hurts for you and your family. All of my thoughts are with you right now.

Maria, I'm wishing you and your family strength, and that you allow yourself to grieve on your own terms, not based on how you think you should feel. Much comfort to your father, to your uncle, especially, but also to you.

That's sad, Maria. I've always been grateful for the time I had with my mom at the end of her life. She was dying of cancer and had a stroke and was emaciated and looked terrible. But it meant so much to her to just have the people she loved around her. Just sitting on the bed with her and holding her hand. She knew she was loved and that's really a lot at the end.

Tep, soon your long national nightmare will be over. Then I strongly suggest you look over your finances and find a way to treat yourself for a couple weeks. Because you need to make an investment in Teppy's Well being.

Everyone grieves in her own way.

All I want to do is run away and not deal. That's not grieving; that's avoidance.

It's like I'm feeling too much and I don't know how to make the deluge stop. Then add anger because I can't fucking "deal," and I'm caught in a loop. Curling up in a ball is not an option.

Maria, try not to be hard on yourself. You feel what you feel. There is no right or wrong way to feel. And this is a safe place to talk about how you feel - so that it doesn't fester inside you but also will not cause hurt to other members of your family who also have to carry this burden of grief. It's hard enough that your family has already gone through the pain of your uncle getting sick; the further pain that you anticipate is going to be immensely hard to handle. It's not like ear-piercing, where a person might have more actual pain from worrying than the event itself. There is no escaping the stress, sadness, worry for others, grief that is coming to your family as your uncle's illness progresses. The worry that you are experiencing now is an additional burden. I wish there were words to say that would make it easier, but all I've got is, be gentle with yourself.

Oh, Maria. I'm so sorry.