Liese is wise. Boundaries are a good, good thing.

On a personal petty note, I woke up cranky and overwhelmed. Which is unfortunate, given that it's a gorgeous day and I have a shitload of stuff to do, including fundraiser wrapup and working for 7.5 hrs to make up for taking time off for said fundraiser. And next Friday evening I fly to NOLA! Which will be fun but holy SHIT. Not ready. Arrgh.

Related note... productivity game, anyone?

Huh, lost post.

Teppy, as much as I love the idea of Shir going to Ohio to kick ass, I really hope a solution presents itself that doesn't involve disruption of your home.

Jesus, Tep, just talk to Tim.

It's completely okay for you to say, "This is not okay."

Like this: "I love you, Tim. And I love that you are so loyal and extending yourself to this guy. But he's an adult. And a fuckup. And right now, he's damaging our relationship. I want him, his stuff and his dog out of here. As quickly as you can manage it, but no more than week. I am absolutely at the end of my rope in what I can deal with. I have no emotional resources. Work and life have been making me incredibly stressed. And this is more than I can deal. Honestly, this is too much. "

I suggest approaching it from the other side and insisting that the two of you make a specific plan with boundaries for each likely scenario if you are going to move forward in this.

This makes sense. I mean, this is your home, too, isn't it, Steph? You should have a say who you share it with.

Damn, Tep. That is a Situation. But others have offered good advice and perspective already. I agree that Tim likely sees it as simply doing a good deed, not prioritizing relationships.

Liese is wise. Boundaries are a good, good thing.

Boundaries are everything. Managing expectations going in is huge. As Willow taught us, 'A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend.'

The one thing I would strongly suggest in an enormously difficult situation like this is to do the very best possible job of focusing on basic feelings, rather than going over a lot of details.

You don't have to justify your concerns with a lot of information Tim already has and may or may not agree with. The son's various failures/limitations etc. are public record. I don't say this to be flip or diminish the reality.

It's just that this info is immaterial compared to the real truth, which is that you want to feel comfortable, secure and at peace in your home. Nothing else trumps this truth.

The more down the road people get with arguing details, rather than feelings, the more hurt is available and the looonger the argument lasts.

God, those desperately downward spirally, circular battles that went on for hours and even days...I do not miss those in my life, I tell you what.

Sorry...right now I have nothing on the corpse-eye front. But I do have several scary books I might look in...would you like me to do that? I know it would be easier if I could say "twelve days," but it would be BS.

What David said. Seriously. Regardless of motives, this is not okay.

erika has scary books that might include information on corspe-eye collapse.

I'm amazed by how not surprised I am. This is a community to be reckoned with.

The hivemind, she fierce.