Steph, ~ma. and Damn!

Can you at least spend the weekend hiding out from a lot of this?

Not really. I brought work home that no-question 100% MUST get done before Monday, and I didn't get any done today because I just got home from the memorial about 30 minutes ago. And I'm going to be worrying about Tim's ex's son all weekend. (Well, that sounds altruistic; what I mean is, I'm going to be worried that once he gets out of jail he won't be allowed to move to Texas because of his probation. And if he doesn't move, I know we will be keeping his dog. And I will resent the HELL out of him and of Tim if that's the case.)

(To be fair, Tim doesn't want him to have to stay in Ohio. Hell, he rented the guy a U-Haul. So it's not like Tim and I are on opposite sides, here. It's just that Tim feels a responsibility to this kid [well, not a kid, obviously], and I *understand* that. I respect that. I think it's amazing that he was willing to not only treat his ex's kids like members of his family, but to continue to keep up with the son after he and the ex became, well, exes. It's just that Tim's sense of responsibility *is* impacting MY life, at a time when it's also stressful beyond reckoning.)

Tim's returning the U-Haul to the U-Haul rental place tonight, because it was rented for only 5 days, prior to the whole jail thing. And this way he saves a lot of money on it (he paid for it). And, he said, once the ex's son gets out of jail, and he's SURE that he can go to Texas without it being a probation violation, they'll rent the U-Haul again, and pack him up and send him off.

Which makes total sense to me. Except it's given me this pit of doom in my stomach. Returning the U-Haul seems like a giant goddamn neon sign from the universe reading, "STEPH YOUR LIFE IS FUCKED YOU GET A NEW DOG AND AN UNEMPLOYED 31-YEAR-OLD SURLY TATTOOED PIERCED DUDE ON YOUR COUCH BY THE WAY FUCK YOUUUUUUUUU!"

I know that when I moved in, when we merged our lives, it meant taking on each other's shit just as surely as if we got married. But -- and perhaps I was unpardonably naive -- I didn't realize it meant that I would be taking on his ex-girlfriend's son's shit as well. It's selfish as hell, but all I keep thinking is, "This kid is NOT, actually, even YOUR son. What the FUCK."

We're going to get through it. And -- though I don't know the specifics about his case -- I *think* that serving these 5 days means his probation is over. AND even if it's not, I also think (though I am admittedly not sure) that probation can transfer from one state to another.

Yet one more problem with this whole debacle is that, like a lot of people, his ex's son doesn't understand the technical fiddly bits about the law. (I'm not even sure he knows what the warrant for his arrest was actually legally for.) Once he's released on Tuesday (at 5 a.m., what the FUCK), he has to meet with his probation officer. The jail and the justice center are 2 different locations, like 10 miles apart. Well, his car is at the justice center, not the jail. Why would it be at the jail? So when he's released Tuesday morning at motherfucking 5 a.m., Tim is going up there (about 45 minutes away) to pick him up and take him to the justice center to meet with his probation officer.

I told Tim to go in to the meeting with his ex's son, to make sure that he understands everything. Well, today the ex (mom of the kid) called the probation officer to find out what in the hell was actually going on, and the officer said he can't discuss that with anyone but the son. Which I assume means that Tim can't go in to the meeting on Tuesday.

Which takes me back to my worry that if it's the kid and the probation officer, then maybe the officer will explain stuff in such a way that he won't actually understand it.

I just have such a horrible feeling about this in the pit of my stomach. My migraine hasn't gone away despite narcotics, and I can't eat. This is lousy all the way around.

I hope you don't hate me for snickering at this line in your previous post, though:

He's had run-ins with the law and (continued...)

( continues...) whatnot, like you do.

Heh. Not at all.

Which I assume means that Tim can't go in to the meeting on Tuesday.

Kid's over 18, yes? If so, that makes sense why he wouldn't tell her over the phone. But if kid wants Tim in there, I don't see why they wouldn't let him go in. On the other hand, if I've learned anything the last six months it's that the system is seriously fucked up and not so much with the sense-making.

Which I assume means that Tim can't go in to the meeting on Tuesday.

Kid's over 18, yes? If so, that makes sense why he wouldn't tell her over the phone.

True -- and that's what I figured once I thought about it.

But if kid wants Tim in there, I don't see why they wouldn't let him go in.

I think so, too, but at this point, I really don't even know what the fuck any more.

Why? Why! Why did I click "Zero out data" when formatting this new hard drive? It's taking FOREVER! And I wanna go home. Humbug.

t /whine

The banging has finally stopped!

omnis, I hope you can go home soon.

I don'thave much to add to the gender discussion (for one obvious reason at least. I will, however, say that there are people in my office who simply disgust me when the subject of gender comes up. Some examples from yesterday:

1. The firm should hire more girls (entire conversation, never women, just girls), and should make sure they're good looking.

2. The firm should apply the "wall test" to any new female hires. (i.e., have them stand up and walk towards the wall. If they touch the wall nose-first, they're out.)

3. However, women (sorry, "girls") make bad financial advisers, because women in that role aren't feminine enough.

Huh. I'm still feeling pretty frustrated and pissed off about this. (To be clear, we have women who work in the office - the managing director is a woman - and everyone's always polite and friendly towards them, no suggestion of that Tucker Max stuff. Until the women are all absent and they start 'joking around'. And it's always the same damn joke.)

The firm should apply the "wall test" to any new female hires. (i.e., have them stand up and walk towards the wall. If they touch the wall nose-first, they're out.)

jeeesus christ.

billytea, I was always impressed at the number of women actuaries at DH's last insurance job. I think the financial field might be different but I know that the VP in charge of Nationwide's international investments was a woman.