Oh and Aims, there's only 3 weeks difference in age between my niece and Allie, but the cut off was right between their birthdays. So Allie was one of the oldest kids in her class, and her maturity helped once she got into high school.

Even after being retained we ended up putting Bobby in a 504 plan. The only real changes they made in his program was that he took big tests in a separate room with no distractions and got double time. And we had lots of conferences.

Now that he is in high school most of this has resolved. He still is ADD, but his coping skills have improved. The extra year of maturity was a help here. He still goes off track all the damn time, but he is so charming all his teachers love him anyway. Every single new teacher I hear the same thing, Robert talks all the time and won't finish what he starts, and we just love him because he is so sweet and considerate.

sj, my sympathies. What an awful thing to have to endure.

Aims, between how young Em is and the fact that her school allows so much self-direction, I honestly think holding her back is sommething to consider if you don't want to think about changing to a more rigorously structured setting.

 I thought you liked fire, Cass.

There are SO limits.  Apparently. 

It honestly made me realize how many disasters - everywhere - are averted all of the damn time.  Because barring annoying some passengers who had no idea and a little aching, nothing happened.

Aims, between how young Em is and the fact that her school allows so much self-direction, I honestly think holding her back is sommething to consider if you don't want to think about changing to a more rigorously structured setting.

It's just her classroom that is so self-directed and after this year, she'd be going into a more structured classroom, anyway. Which is a huge reason of why we want to see how she does with more structure. And at this point, I'd RATHER she went to more structure. I think she'll do better.

It sounds like more structure can only be good.

And, if that isn't enough, there really is no sitgma at this age to holding her back. Which is good as well.

Yeah, now`s the best time to do it. Although I will say, I was the youngest in my class, always, and the physically smallest, and painfully shy, easily embarrassed. And I was fine. In fact, when I was able to finish early, it was a huge relief, so if I`d been held back to start I would have been miserable. So it is possible, although I wasn`t having to deal with some of what Em is.

Cass, admit it, you're a natural born firestarter. We should just send you out with an extinguisher strapped to your back and a red box saying PULL IN CASE OF EMERGENCY.

Yes! And then the rest of us will place bets on how long it will take you to set the extinguisher on fire.

I'm done with B. Please wish me some strength to not throw myself at him when I am in his presence next month. He didn't do anything wrong... I'm just cutting myself off for my own good.

I'm with you smonster. Anytime you need to borrow some strength, or belief in your higher good, I'm there.

And blessing on the bomb-diggity therapist. Three cheers for you both!

I'm done with B. Please wish me some strength to not throw myself at him when I am in his presence next month. He didn't do anything wrong... I'm just cutting myself off for my own good.

you know that I'm on speed dial!

My ADHD looks like this: I get overwhelmed, I shut down and don't do anything. I think that Em does the same. And the more pressure she gets, the more she shuts down.

Not a parent, or a teacher, but I have some pretty clear memories of what early elementary school feels like for a girl with ADD - I totally see all your points countering their reasoning. I do not know what the ultimate best answer is, but I do strongly believe that a more structured environment will help - particularly if part of that structure reduces the pressure situations for Em. Pressure to perform, can futz up the performance of a kid with ADD like nobody's business. When I was in second and third grade, those damned timed math fact tests were the bane of my existence. And my teacher thought I just did not know them, couldn't do math, until some standardized test revealed a better picture of my skill level. When Mrs. Boyd realized that the problem was more about performing under pressure, she and my parents were able to help me work on the performance so that my accomplishments in class better reflected my abilities. Having both the structure that will work for Em, and a teacher who is on Em's side, will make a difference.