I hope I get through this week without killing my ex-condo neighbor, my tenants, or myself. I think the tenant is moving out. I'm so exhaustedly hopeful about it that I'm in a constant state of anxiety.

Frank, if you wanna buy it the listing price is $309.9K. Will be getting everything cleaned up and fixed after the premises are clear. Which I pray is soon. God.

I wonder if I'll get to the point where this stuff doesn't faze me?

No. Well, probably not. You'll get to the point where you can work through it, and you can absorb it without it absorbing you, but I have yet to get to the point where it's normal to me, and I've been at it for a decade.

But that's good, because it's not normal, even though it is to them, so you've got to be able to stand in it and say, no, this is not how it has to be. It can be better than this. Your life can be better.

But yeah, I feel you on the sheesh. And in all that I'm glad Angry Girl is doing better.

Thanks, Liese. That's what I'm hoping for. I don't want to be numb or cynical, but once again, I need to find my zen. I'm constantly buffeted by every snafu, partly because every single one forces me to make decisions that I don't like to make and partly because I struggle to balance dealing with all of that and you know, renovating the fucking houses.

And in all that I'm glad Angry Girl is doing better.

In the middle of the crazy today, she walked up to me and said, "I have to leave early." My eyes bugged right out and then she said, "Psych." I laughed, after recovering from my mini-heart attack. Also - the kids are saying psych again? Huh.

Erin! Did you see that they closed down Hwy 70 through most of Missouri?

A friend of mine who lives in KC posted that on my FB wall (I have no idea why; I hadn't been posting about the weather at all).

I replied asking him if they closed the highway because of rampaging polar bears. I really, really hope it was.

LOOK, JUST LIE TO ME.

smonster, I know it's not precisely teaching, but remember that the first year of teaching is the WORST, precisely because you don't have systems and responses in place for responding to things.

Every first-year teacher I know spent the first year feeling like a big-ass faker because they were pretty much making stuff up as they went along, because you don't really KNOW how to respond to some of these things until you are in it.

So remember that, when you are trying to regain your zen -- you are learning as much as you are teaching, and that's supposed to happen. You don't -- you CAN'T -- walk into this being ready.

Erin is completely right in this.

you know, renovating the fucking houses.

I know! Sometimes I'm all, wait, what do I do again? I think it had something to do with music? And anymore, half my work has no relationship to music at all. I have kids constantly texting me and messaging me on facebook, and they aren't interested in the 12 bar minor blues song I'm writing at all. It's so shocking. They just want to, you know, talk.

Which I sometimes have to remind myself is what I wanted!

I really hope we've got a snow day tomorrow. It doesn't look like the roads are going to be safe.

Every first-year teacher I know spent the first year feeling like a big-ass faker because they were pretty much making stuff up as they went along, because you don't really KNOW how to respond to some of these things until you are in it.

This and no support from admin meant I only taught one year, and did it very badly. Somedays, I think it would be nice to go back. Well, not nice, but Erin and Pix and Kat fill me with a kind of missionary zeal. Usually a piece of chocolate makes it go away.

I think, if they exceed the number of days, it's Saturday or summer, but it sounded like they would herniate themselves (or kill someone) before they allowed that to happen.

Still no notice of closures on the news.

Erin, thanks. That's helpful.

I am learning that I really can't put productivity first. I just end up cranky and (more) frazzled. I think I'm worried that at some point someone's going to question why we work so slowly, at which point I suppose I should invite them sweetly to come help for a day. I'm probably just being paranoid - everyone's been extremely supportive.

Oh, and remember all that biz about the mentor/mentee ratio? They haven't hired another mentor yet and the new group starts 2/14, may have 12 people, AND we're keeping the current four around for two more months (if I don't have to fire any of them). So I may have eight to deal with at once, assuming they hire a new mentor in time. Lord help me.

No. Well, probably not. You'll get to the point where you can work through it, and you can absorb it without it absorbing you, but I have yet to get to the point where it's normal to me, and I've been at it for a decade.

smonster, I don't know if you are much for woo-woo, meditation, energy work. But if you are, there are some meditations/visualizations that have helped me enormously, helping me to not be overwhelmed by taking on too much of other people's negative energies.