Aw, jesus, Erin. I'm glad you're very clear on what you need and what you can and can't do, and I hope the situation resolves without too much distress on any side.
We're taking a moment ... and we're done.
Oz ,'Chosen'
Spike's Bitches 46: Don't I get a cookie?
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
brenda m - Jan 17, 2011 6:54:47 pm PST #13385 of 30000
If you're going through hell/keep on going/don't slow down/keep your fear from showing/you might be gone/'fore the devil even knows you're there
Strix - Jan 17, 2011 7:01:56 pm PST #13386 of 30000
A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to flee from zombies. — Ginger
I hope so too. D loves me, and he doesn't want to be without me...but he would like to be closer to M, too.
I'm just giving him a little time and space to think things through, and I hate to be ultimatum girl, but...I'd be reluctant to move to San Fran or Seattle or some other fun cool city where I know lots of peeps.
But Buck County, PA? No. Fucking. Way.
beekaytee - Jan 17, 2011 7:08:39 pm PST #13387 of 30000
Compassionately intolerant
Clarity is key, Erin. I'm glad you have it. As we all know, a vague disclaimer is nobody's friend and your forthright self-awareness is admirable in a situation that would could easily be muddy.
I'm hoping this is a familial phase that soon passes into practicality and strategic planning. Inconvenience can be managed, emotions can be weathered. Healthy coping ~ma to all involved.
meara - Jan 17, 2011 7:35:59 pm PST #13388 of 30000
OOof, Erin, that's tough, especially since M's mom doesn't exactly have a history of being...helpful. Good luck.
Strix - Jan 17, 2011 7:42:36 pm PST #13389 of 30000
A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to flee from zombies. — Ginger
yeah, that's another world of NO. Close enough to hang with M means close to all the crazy. I could deal with it if she lived in town or something, but you know shit would get real awfully fast.
I can be very civil at a distance, but I think she would all be up in our shit all the time and WORLD OF NO.
Trudy Booth - Jan 17, 2011 7:43:47 pm PST #13390 of 30000
Greece's financial crisis threatens to take down all of Western civilization - a civilization they themselves founded. A rather tragic irony - which is something they also invented. - Jon Stewart
Wasn't she not supposed to move that far away in the first place? And what on earth would stop her from doing so again?
WindSparrow - Jan 17, 2011 7:49:19 pm PST #13391 of 30000
Love is stronger than death and harder than sorrow. Those who practice it are fierce like the light of stars traveling eons to pierce the night.
Zenkitty, sending ~ma for your sister.
Strix - Jan 17, 2011 7:59:33 pm PST #13392 of 30000
A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to flee from zombies. — Ginger
Yeah, that's another thing. She moved from KC to Minn, got hitched to the guy who'd been living in the house she made D move out of, but pay for, and then he was unemployed for a year (it's hard to get into sound design gigs in MN, apparently @@, and he got a job at Lehigh, which is a decent school.
No. I do not want.
DavidS - Jan 17, 2011 8:00:10 pm PST #13393 of 30000
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."
The one thing I'll note, Erin, is that in custody situations everything seems to hang on one, binary, either-or choice, but the reality in most cases is that you wind up finessing it in ways that you can't really imagine.
Maybe Micah comes out for a longer stretch in the summer. Maybe D makes an extra trip or two to the East Coast. Maybe they take a trip together, and that concentrated time makes a difference. Maybe when Micah gets older he goes to college closer to you guys. Maybe they play a shit-ton of World of Warcraft online together.
You can't really imagine all the ways the your husband and his son will build their relationship, but it will happen because it's important to them both. You just take every opportunity you can to maximize their time together and it makes a difference.
But you can't make it not sad, or not difficult. That's just part of the divorce itself.
Strix - Jan 17, 2011 8:05:42 pm PST #13394 of 30000
A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to flee from zombies. — Ginger
God, would you talk to D?? Because I BRING up all this stuff, and he gets hit with guilt for missing piano recitals (M's at Twinkle Twinkle) and PT conferences, and they talk almost every night, and Skype 2-3 times a week.
I just told him we need to work on way to see M more often.
I told him all these things.
Ack. Horrid pre-sleep convo. I need to step away and relax.
Thanks, guys.