God, would you talk to D?? Because I BRING up all this stuff, and he gets hit with guilt for missing piano recitals (M's at Twinkle Twinkle) and PT conferences, and they talk almost every night, and Skype 2-3 times a week.

I just told him we need to work on way to see M more often.

I told him all these things.

Ack. Horrid pre-sleep convo. I need to step away and relax.

Thanks, guys.

Sounds like she's had a real change of heart about her son being near his father and she should start looking for jobs in the midwest, huh?

'Cuz if you move there and Lehigh has a budget cut? She'd be gone again.

It's a shitty thing she does to her son and I really don't know if Dan could fix it by following her everywhere.

Because I BRING up all this stuff, and he gets hit with guilt for missing piano recitals (M's at Twinkle Twinkle) and PT conferences...

THEN SHE NEVER SHOULD HAVE MOVED AWAY.

Does this even come up? It sounds like she's really good at making him the bad guy and he's, forgive me if I am completely the fuck out of line, kinda good at letting her do it.

I'm sorry, Erin, this is hellish.

God, would you talk to D??

Sure!

Seriously, though, the most important thing for Micah is knowing that his Dad is a constant. That his dad cares and that he's making every effort to be a part of Micah's life.

You can't be there for every minute, or PT conference and it's not necessary for their emotional well-being.

When EM moved out I used to torture myself by thinking, "I'm missing half of Emmett's childhood!"

But I wasn't. I was in touch with him and some stuff happened out of my sight but I wasn't out of his life.

It's really not that different that the realization you have early on that your pre-schooler actually is spending more time with their daycare provider than with you. And in some ways, during that stretch, they have an intimacy with that person that you don't have with them. But, first you learn to value that some other person is loving and caring for your child. And then you learn to trust that it is your continuity through all the years that matters.

Being there for them. It's not any particular parent-teacher conference that makes the difference, but the knowledge that they are loved and that you are their bedrock. That even when you have fights they trust that you are in their corner.

That's the emotional base you can provide as a parent. It's way more important than anything else.

No, you're absolutely right, and I have said to to him. EVERYTHING.

She basically did whatever she wanted, and he was so emotionally abused by her (she is a termagant of a drama queen with a evil tongue) that he was all ok, move to MN. That's doable.

Then whatthisname got that job at PA and Dan wanted M to have finacial stability, so he reluctantly said ok. And there were all kinds of promises that they'd pay for the travel...well.

She want to be able to do whatever she wants to do, and other people can just arrange their lives to suit hers.

Which I am not up for. This is evil, but I kinda can't wait for the day M realizes exactly what mom did to dad, and how it was her decisions that lead to him being hauled farther and farther away from D in the first place. I mean, he was about 5 when her now-husband started staying over while D was at work. He already knows the timeline.

David, I might email you tomorrow and try to figure out a way to hook you guys up without being all "Hey, this is David. Tell him all your trauma."

But it would be seriously GREAT for him to have a guy to talk to who'd gone through similar stuff.

Yeah, she'd just change the game again.

My heart says BE WITH YOUR SON NO MATTER WHAHHHHHATTTTTT and it's right, but follwing her pillar to post isn't the way to do it.

I'm not sure, btw, what IS the way to do it or even if there is a GOOD way, but if y'all pick up stakes and move to Allentown she'll just start shutting D out of shit up-close. And then move again.

Man, Erin, I'm so sorry.

Yeppers, I agree.

I told D that instead of focusing on the perfect solution he wishes for, that we need to focus on finding workable solutions that are a happy medium.

No parent every gets everything they want in regards to their child's upbringing.

You can just do the best you can to do the most you can without making yourself a craxy, miserable person.

I wish "Gee, bitch, if you think he should be spending more time with his son how 'bout you hold up your end of the deal on the things that make that happen?" would actually work, you know?

I know it won't.

Even if Vortex does it.