Hey everyone,

This is from a locked post in my LJ. I don't really want to make it public, but I'd really like any ideas/thoughts anyone here might have:

Remember that friend that I met last month/ and had lunch with on Friday? Well, lunch was nice and pretty normal and I was glad I went. I enjoyed talking with her, even though I felt a few small hints were dropped that perhaps I should give them some money. But those hints were vague and could have been nothing.

This afternoon I got a text form her saying that she had been admitted to the hospital for pre-term labor. (Baby isn't due until March 15 or so.) This also happened right after I met her. Anyway, a few hours after the text, her boyfriend calls saying that she was being released but that she'd had a seizure and was somewhat incoherent. He works nights (he tells me) and doesn't want her to stay alone overnight. Well, I said yes because I'm not going to say no to a pregnant woman in her situation. So, I gave him our address and explained that we were on the mountain, the roads are very icy, and she might have to walk half a block or so because of road conditions. Then he tells me they might not come because she has a dr. appointment in the morning and he probably can't make it here and back to the dr in time.

So, basically I gave our address to people I don't trust and was trying to keep my distance from to begin with. I'm not sorry I said she could stay or gave him our address. I'm not going to say no to people in need, even if it makes me a dupe. But now I'm a bit uneasy. I'm not really worried - we have dogs, and guns, in the house and Joe is very capable of taking care of us. As am I, but I have a lot of faith in Joe when it comes to physical protection.

Still, what is a bit eery to me is how this played out exactly that I suspected weeks ago. I have tried to keep a polite distance and yet suddenly, they have our address and she might be spending the night. Honestly, I don't think they are thieves or murderers. I think they are people in a rough situation and they might be just a bit off, or odd, or something. But I don't really think they are harmful. Still, I'm not happy about the situation and I'm just a teeny bit worried about leaving the house empty tomorrow. Or being here alone.

Basically, am I a terrible evil person or am I gullible and stupid?

Basically, am I a terrible evil person or am I gullible and stupid?

Neither. But there were enough red flags that I wouldn't have extended an open invite. There's some place in between that would've worked better for you, I think.

Like, "I'm willing to help but not take on the brunt of the responsibility."

Because, frankly, these people read as if they'll exploit the situation. Not that they're necessarily malign or evil, but they've got that manipulativeness thing that I associate with addicts and certain other personality disorders. (People who take take take!)

eta: Basically they sound like a lot of people in Cash's extended family. She could give better advice at how to deal with the chronically You Owe Me Every Break (or, Save Me From Our Poor Choices) people

Wow. That's a toughie, Stephanie.

Trust your gut, Stephanie. I think that those types of uneasy feelings are what's left of our natural instincts. We pick up on signals at a subconscious level that let us know when something is off, even when we can't put our finger on what. You are a good person who made an understandably generous offer, but I agree it feels wrong. I don't know what you can do at this point beyond making your boundaries very clear with these people (do you have other friends in the area you could at least alert to the situation, just in case?), but please take care of yourself and let us know how it goes.

Yeah. The neediness (emotional, I mean) and inappropriate sharing started pretty much right away, right? It definitely sets off alarms for me, not necessarily in a danger sense, but I suspect shaking free of this entanglement may get tricky. I'd be extremely boundary conscious.

I'm with brenda and Pix.

I am thinking they aren't coming tonight. He didn't call back and I explained that he needed to call before 8 because we all go to bed early. I wouldn't have any trouble telling them no wrt to money. With us buying the house this month, we have none anyway.

According to her, she saw us at the church block party and thought we looked like a nice family. On Friday, she mentioned this again telling me "and your daughter looked so cute in her green crocs.". See that seems creepy to me that she remembers my daughter's shoes.

Okay, I need tothink about something else... Pretty shoes, anyone? Pretty cabana boys? Pretty baseball players? Or cats?

Eta: Brenda, yes. Assuming it's true, I know way to much about her personal life. I don't knowany woman with fertility struggles who go into depth in a first conversation.

eta: Basically they sound like a lot of people in Cash's extended family. She could give better advice at how to deal with the chronically You Owe Me Every Break (or, Save Me From Our Poor Choices) people

Ayup. The difference is that it's a lot harder to say no to family. I think I would trust your instincts, Stephanie. People who come on to near-strangers asking for some serious help (or dropping vague "we could really use some money" hints") should probably be avoided. Like David said, they might not have evil intentions but they could very well just be manipulative-user types.

I'm not as familiar with military culture--is this a couple you met from the base? I can imagine folks would be a little more willing to reach out if they felt part of a military family than total strangers.

If it were me, I wouldn't invite a total stranger (pregnant woman or not) to stay in my home with my kids. I'd offer to help out to some extent--rides, or something like that. But until you know them better, it strikes me as odd that someone would be expecting that kind of thing from strangers.

We met them at church. We go to this Wednesday night dinner before Ellie's choir and they were there. The thing about tonight was that she was supposedlyin the hospital with preterm labor and had a seizure. Her boyfriend works at night and according to him, they don't know anyone else. So while I would never invite her over, he framed his request as her spending the night alone and possibly seizing again v. sleeping here. It's so overreaching but I just couldn't see myself saying no, if it were true. But now they have our address, although we are in the phonebook.

You know, if we had decent healthcare this probably would not have happened. I can't believe, if it's true, that the hospital sent home a woman with preterm labor and seizures.

You know, if they're members of the church, I would suggest talking to someone there. My sister's community church is VERY good about providing assistance to members. You could always call the church and ask their office or outreach service to call the couple and offer assistance.

It would also be a good way of "vetting" the people, per se or finding out if they're on the up and up.