"When you first start having sex with someone new, take a shower with them, and inspect their genitals for open sores or other signs of STD'. It's not foolproof, but it can give you a good indication. And here - have a ginormous box of condoms."

Does anyone ever do that?

JZ, what you said about the emotional buck stopping here and the courage it takes was so beautiful, I wish it had come out of my mouth. So true.

Steph, thanks for asking the follow up question. I wish I had one of those football move screens where I could draw arrows and underline strategies. But first, I want to highlight that you answered your own question.

I know this, because I lived it. People ask intrusive questions because it works. If it stops working, they stop showing up in the same way.

Back in the day when I felt physical discomfort from walking out of a store without purchasing something (because I was not worthy to live and/or breathe their air and I had to suffer for everything I wanted...ugh), I would phrase things from my VICTIM: INQUIRE WITHIN mindset to the degree that people really couldn't let me off the hook. I'm glad they didn't because the pain of that became great enough that I was forced to make a change.

The blessing is, now no one who knows me asks me arsed questions like that and people who don't don't end up enjoying it when they do.

Start here: Silence is your friend. Just because a question is asked, does not mean an answer is required.

If someone asked, "Really? What?" to "I have an obligation." I would a) close my mouth, take a quiet breath and simply gaze on them sympathetically. If the individual was one of the unconscious majority and persisted, I would say,"An obligation that makes your request impossible," and walk away or change the subject.

I reject, out of hand, the notion of lying or making stuff up. This is not to say it never happens in my world, but as a reformed (fully recovered, thank GOD) liar-of-convenience, I would much rather be clean and remove all opportunities for push-back.

Focusing on your feelings is the very best way to avoid getting caught up in verbosity for the sake of protection.

I have particular loathing for 'Well! That's YOUR opinion' in the jackass arsenal, but I don't take it personally, nor will I allow it to undermine me. "Of course it is my opinion, it came out of my mouth!"

Try that one of your favorite 'Devil's Advocate' sometime, followed by calm silence. The facial contortions can be very entertaining.

No, more often than not, before I got married, when I first started having sex with someone was also when I was about to stop having sex with them. (Why yes, I was a 'ho).

I literally first learned about it in Catholic school.

My mother gave me the birds and the bees talk (except it was totally clinical and had no euphemism or happy nerve endings) when I was seven and my sister was four. Never mentioned it again. I was good, and went on to do my own extensive research at that point, plus I managed to get the speeches in every one of my subsequent schools.

My sister? *Never* got the speech in school, and totally forgot what my mother had told us when she was wee.

Ten years ago, my mother asked me what Tantric sex was.

Mother! I've known since I was ten! Because of the book IN YOUR LIBRARY.

I totally don't understand her.

But I explained it as best I could.

"pulling a train."

Oh. Dear. God.

Mother, no!

To give context, she was talking about how the freak-ass church would get all freaky about dating (like, don't date someone unless you intend to marry them), and we were talking about someone who was given the cold shoulder by the FAC because she dated who she wanted, instead of a church-picked, church-approved guy (and I am not even joking).

Mom said, "The way they treated her, you'd think she was pulling a train or something!"

[long pause while I tried to figure out if she really just said what I thought she said]

"Did...did you just say 'pulling a train'?"

"Yep."

"You need to stop working at that high school RIGHT NOW."

He found the OTHER sheet of paper with the combinations on it.

Go Joe!

I told my mom what a spank bank is. (talk about "Scoring at home, even if you're alone.") We watched "Rescue Me" together one night.

Heh. That's where I learned the English term from.

Sometimes I think there are way more slang terms to sex stuff in English than in Hebrew. And then I remember that most guys I'm hanging out with respect and fear me too much to mention the terms to begin with. And oh, LOLZ, once they get to know me better... I remembered now, few months back, one of my closest university guy-friends was asking me, sheepishly, in order to punchline a joke he started telling me, if I know what jizz (in English) means. I then decided to tell him about the month I spent indexing porn at my job as an information manager in a search engine, 60-80 sites per day (two weeks out of it were strictly BDSM).

I just look so innocent, y'know. But a part of me prefers the situation as is. First, I have the element of surprise. Second, so much of sex slang in Hebrew is humiliating to women, I'd rather not know.

Humm. Maybe I should have started the sex toys discussion when some people in my sociology class first learned about radical feminists who are opposing penetration due to patriarchy. I really had to bit my tongue there not to say anything there, but since I started the Catharine MacKinnon and How She's Not Andrea Dworkin thing a minute earlier, I prefer to shut up. But all I had in my head then was "OMG, and how come Bitched aren't here to hear about this?".

He found the OTHER sheet of paper with the combinations on it.

Man. I wish I had my own version of a Miracleman. I am dancing the dance of shame over completely forgetting the login password for a computer I didn't think I would use again but yeah, you guessed it, I could really use now.

Did I write it down in my ever so efficient filing system? Of course not! Why would I do something useful like that?

That's where I learned the English term from.

You need to watch Coupling.

You need to watch Coupling.

Which version of it? I watched some of the British, and it was good.