Steph, do you think if you actually one day, shared with her she'd run screaming? Or would she say "Finally! My baby is talking to me!"

Probably more the latter. (Actually, it would me more like, "Well, Dolly, I'm glad you have a good sex life, but that sounds DANGEROUS. I don't think you should do that! It doesn't sound like a good idea at all!")

She wouldn't run screaming. She's the one who casually uses phrases like "fuckbuddy" and "pulling a train."

Joe = Superman.

What? He's Miracleman!

"pulling a train."

Oh. Dear. God.

Mother, no!

My mother was born in 1928, and we never once talked about sex. I literally first learned about it in Catholic school.

This is so blowing my mind.

Actually, Steph, you are totally right.

He *is* totally Miracleman.

My mom asked me once what a glory hole was.

I tried to tell her it was used in glassmaking but she knew it was something dirty.

My mom once told me, "When you first start having sex with someone new, take a shower with them, and inspect their genitals for open sores or other signs of STD'. It's not foolproof, but it can give you a good indication. And here - have a ginormous box of condoms."

Laga: Nice try, though.

My mom asked me during the famous Eddie Murphy SNL sketch, what exactly a 'ho is.

"When you first start having sex with someone new, take a shower with them, and inspect their genitals for open sores or other signs of STD'. It's not foolproof, but it can give you a good indication. And here - have a ginormous box of condoms."

Does anyone ever do that?

JZ, what you said about the emotional buck stopping here and the courage it takes was so beautiful, I wish it had come out of my mouth. So true.

Steph, thanks for asking the follow up question. I wish I had one of those football move screens where I could draw arrows and underline strategies. But first, I want to highlight that you answered your own question.

I know this, because I lived it. People ask intrusive questions because it works. If it stops working, they stop showing up in the same way.

Back in the day when I felt physical discomfort from walking out of a store without purchasing something (because I was not worthy to live and/or breathe their air and I had to suffer for everything I wanted...ugh), I would phrase things from my VICTIM: INQUIRE WITHIN mindset to the degree that people really couldn't let me off the hook. I'm glad they didn't because the pain of that became great enough that I was forced to make a change.

The blessing is, now no one who knows me asks me arsed questions like that and people who don't don't end up enjoying it when they do.

Start here: Silence is your friend. Just because a question is asked, does not mean an answer is required.

If someone asked, "Really? What?" to "I have an obligation." I would a) close my mouth, take a quiet breath and simply gaze on them sympathetically. If the individual was one of the unconscious majority and persisted, I would say,"An obligation that makes your request impossible," and walk away or change the subject.

I reject, out of hand, the notion of lying or making stuff up. This is not to say it never happens in my world, but as a reformed (fully recovered, thank GOD) liar-of-convenience, I would much rather be clean and remove all opportunities for push-back.

Focusing on your feelings is the very best way to avoid getting caught up in verbosity for the sake of protection.

I have particular loathing for 'Well! That's YOUR opinion' in the jackass arsenal, but I don't take it personally, nor will I allow it to undermine me. "Of course it is my opinion, it came out of my mouth!"

Try that one of your favorite 'Devil's Advocate' sometime, followed by calm silence. The facial contortions can be very entertaining.