Here is the thing about the truth. Somehow, we need it to hurt to actually be valid. BUT, your normal work schedule is just as valid a reason as some major project. I mean, you don't have to go into detail...and you shouldn't...but if you like the flow of your routine to not get backed up or stressed out because you've taken time off that will not relax you then the TRUTH is, your work schedule does not allow for travel at this time. Period.
A thought replacement phrase I use with my clients all the time: Step away from the details, and nobody gets hurt.
I use this all the time for social/professional/community stuff I'm not excited about doing. My response is, "I have another obligation." This is wholly and completely true, even when that obligation is to my own relaxation and rejuvenation so that I can be at my best for the ton of other stuff an AM excited about doing. The fact that this might include coloring my hair or vegging on the floor with my dog is not the business of the inquiring party.
It is how I try to think but so well expressed that I had to copy it
My response is, "I have another obligation."
A very valuable phrase when a freelancer. You must use that on all occasions, so when you schedule a vacation, you don't accidentally add, "I'm on vacation at that time".
Badly timed crosspost with PC which illustrates that he did not need me to make my point. It's a point in its own right though, so I will leave it.
It is a good point, thank you! I appreciate it. Here, I will give you a bonus exchange:
"We have to get this document out by the end of the year so we can meet our corporate goals."
"You're really that important, huh?"
"I'm glad you think so highly of me."
"That's not what I meant! You're just talking like if you left, the whole company would fall apart."
<facepalm>
As my brother noted, "Mexican would have been the WORST."
("How many times did we tell you when you were growing up, no BMW?" my dad told him last week in all seriousness, as if he were truly saddened and dismayed that his attempt to instill his racist values in us had failed. [BMW = Black, Mexican, Muslim, and White.])
P-C, your parents depress me. I hate hearing about that level of bigotry.
P-C, your parents depress me. I hate hearing about that level of bigotry.
And yet it's heartening to see how completely and utterly they've failed to pass it down to the next generation. I think of how hugely my parents loomed in my childhood world, how large they still loom, how vast and universal we are to Matilda...it's brutally hard, heroic work to push back against all that, carve out your own vision for yourself and a different way of seeing and connecting to the world around you, and stand up for it and stay strong when the blowback comes.
That dialogue is priceless. And painful.
Some truly great sitcoms did both, and then some. M*A*S*H could do it brilliantly.
And yet it's heartening to see how completely and utterly they've failed to pass it down to the next generation.
I wouldn't say "completely and utterly." But I am at least conscious of my unconscious racism and prejudices and don't intend to let it continue further.
One of the ideas I've been fascinated with recently is the fact that, growing up, you only know the world that is presented to you. That is what you think is normal, the Way Things Are. And your parents are the people who present the world to you and tell you the Way Things Are. It can be quite a shock to discover that your experience and views are not universal.
the fact that, growing up, you only know the world that is presented to you. That is what you think is normal, the Way Things Are. And your parents are the people who present the world to you and tell you the Way Things Are.
It's one of the reasons that children who are abused don't tell anyone - they thinks it's "normal" because for them, it is.
Definitely, JZ. My parents were racist, particularly my mom, but it's hard for me to hold much animosity in my heart for a woman who has been dead for twenty years now, and who, above all, raised me to think for myself.
In addition to that, she had two gorgeous, smart multiracial grandchildren. She may not have approved of my brother's marriage, but she went to the wedding, and babysat for those kids, and she didn't live to see it, but they grew up to vote for Obama, whom they identified with in ways that I can only imagine.
But I am at least conscious of my unconscious racism and prejudices and don't intend to let it continue further.
One of the ideas I've been fascinated with recently is the fact that, growing up, you only know the world that is presented to you. That is what you think is normal, the Way Things Are. And your parents are the people who present the world to you and tell you the Way Things Are. It can be quite a shock to discover that your experience and views are not universal.
This is so true, P-C. This is something my brothers and I have spent a lot of time thinking about and struggling with in our own ways, with a generational divide between us. I think my brothers had a lot of trouble dealing with my parents as adults because of their racism. I never had to deal with my parents in such a complex way.
