Typo Boy, in Bitches:

*******

Dream conversation last night.

Me (to crowd): "This is a dream, and you will all vanish when I wake up."

Man in crowd: "In the unlikely event that is true, you are kind of a dick for saying so, and not letting us enjoy what little time we have."

In Natter --

Dana: Oh, god. Current job application contains this:

[Company Name] is a global firm with a compelling design philosophy; we believe in the power of design to transform organizations and improve people's lives. No matter what your professional discipline, we want you to tell us about your personal relationship with design.

msbelle: Design broke my heart when I was 23. It is still very painful.

tommyrot: I had this unrequited love thing for design. It was rather painful--thanks for reminding me.

amych: Design and I have coffee every third Thursday, but if I were to be totally honest, our friendship has drifted apart a bit since design's kids came along.

Sox: Design killed my brother.

Jesse: Frankly, I have a conflicted and sometimes difficult relationship with design. Boundaries!

Amy: Design bit my sister.

Steph: Design thinks it's too good for me, the stuck-up douche.

Suzi: I wish I had Design. And a root.

Connie Neil: I have always suspected Design's designs.

Jilli: Design and I are frenimies. It always asks me if I'm feeling okay, I look tired.

Zenkitty: Design spent the night; now the place looks great but I can't find anything. Wait, are these spoons?

Matt: Design drove me to a nervous breakdown, and I'm currently in an abusive relationship with it.

Beverly: I don't want to malign Design, but we have little to say to each other.

-t (to billytea) (are they related?):

On the internet, no one knows you're an asteroid.

In Natter:

Sophia: My BFF hates hugging women because she does not like the smooshing of bosoms together. Luckily, I am not a hugger.

§ ita §: She doesn't play it like a video game and try to aim nipples for nipples?

Not...not that I do that, so don't feel weird huggers! Don't feel weird at all.

-t in Boxed Set:

Revolution and Physics have a bit of a strained relationship. Revolution is always bringing flowers and candy and saying how nobody really appreciates Physics' dark beauty the way Revolution does, but Physics is pretty sure Revolution is in love with something its constructed in its own mind, not the real Physics.

In Natter:

-t: Cranberry sauce #1: made and setting up in mold

Tom Scola: I'm going to take a stand, and say that cranberry sauce shouldn't be moldy.

-t: Scola, you will be happy to know that I have unmolded the cranberry sauce. I decided it needed more simmering.

Tom Scola: OK, just make sure to shape it like a tin can before serving it.

-t: Carving all those little ridges in the side takes forever!

Aims in Bitches has a cause of action:

I'm suing the pet food company because it causes too much gas in Ollie and he has been known to scare himself when he farts. He then barks at his own ass for about 10 minutes. It's disturbing and interrupts my show. PAY FOR MY NETFLIX, PURINA.

I gotta list everything that preceded that --

Strix: Not to downplay poor doggie injury, but I don't think worker's comp covers "pet's emotional instability" disability.

Steph L.: My dog sometimes seems disconcerted about some unnameable thing. That ought to be good for at least 5 bucks.

billytea: I fully support writing up this comp claim. "Reason for inability to perform regular duties: Dog stared into abyss, abyss stared back."

Liese: My dog was just discomfited by the fact that the printer made noise in the other room...without anyone near it! Shocking! Unsettling!

brenda: Is the abyss that blank patch on the wall? Cause that happens a lot around here.

Steph L.: And right now he's exhibiting ennui. HARD. That's got to be good for a $20.

Ginger: Mr Peabody gets so upset by a smoke detector that needs a new battery that he hides under my chair. I think the smoke detector people owe him something.

WindSparrow: I'm starting to feel sorry for manufacturers of vacuum cleaners. They have a lot to answer for from the cats of this world. Deliberate, repeated, sustained torment in collusion with the cats' human servants everywhere.

The cats are gonna have to get their own lawyers, though.

Jessica's review of The Desolation of Smaug, in Movies:

Jessica: Watching Thorin and Thranduil glare at each other, priceless.

Jilli: That's pretty much why I want to see the movie. All hail Thranduil, King of Bitchface!

Jessica: Even the King of Bitchface is no match for Thorin Emoshield and his feels. And his hair. Which also has feels.

Natter Chatter:

Steph: We found on the steps of one house -- just a mouse head. It was like a tiny Godfather tableau for, say, a dollhouse.

-t: My mom once found a headless mouse laid out on a stepping stone in her front yard like a sacrifice. Cats have creepy aesthetics.

Aims: Same mouse. Got splinched trying to apparate.