Matt the Bruins Fan: I was all set to congratulate the Food Network for starting a new cooking program featuring a Southern gay couple until I realized they were Paula Deen's sons doing a Mother's Day show.
I could squeeze you until you popped like warm champagne, and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more.
Fuffy ,'Storyteller'
Coffee On My Monitor Again
This thread is for Buffista quotage. Posts that are profound, witty, or otherwise deserving of immortality go here. This is also Shrift's source for the BRQG, so be aware that if your words end up here, they'll also end up there. Finally, please note which thread spawned the quotage and please white-out anything that might be spoilery to Un-Americans.
Vortex - May 07, 2011 8:04:13 am PDT #676 of 1328
"Cry havoc and let slip the boobs of war!" -- Miracleman
Matt the Bruins fan - May 13, 2011 6:01:45 am PDT #677 of 1328
"I remember when they eventually introduced that drug kingpin who murdered people and smuggled drugs inside snakes and I was like 'Finally. A normal person.'” —RahvinDragand
In Buffista Movies 7:
ita: Does no one read my links?
ita "Buffista Movies 7: Brides for 7 Samurai" May 6, 2011 8:56:01 am PDT
DavidS: You earned that reputation.
billytea - May 16, 2011 1:43:31 pm PDT #678 of 1328
You were a wrong baby who grew up wrong. The wrong kind of wrong. It's better you hear it from a friend.
Perkins offers ita some advice on workplace communications in Natter:
Perkins: Can you send out something like this:
Dear work people:
I know I have already received questions for counsel from several people, but I want to make sure I don't miss anything, so could you please email me the questions you would like me to ask counsel.
ita: That, with a wee bit of modification, may just work. Genius!
Perkins: You completely overhauled everything, didn't you?
ita: Well, for a start, I put in "literally" and some gender unspecific pronouns.
Other than that, verbatim.
WindSparrow - May 17, 2011 4:37:46 am PDT #679 of 1328
Love is stronger than death and harder than sorrow. Those who practice it are fierce like the light of stars traveling eons to pierce the night.
In Bitches:
DavidS:
No, you're stubborn like that. You're going to be sixty-three and snapping at the new kid in the office, "It's spelled 'l-e-d-e'."
Steph L.:
You left out the part where I shake my cane menacingly at the new kid.
DavidS:
No, I expect by that point in the future you'll be cyborgishly melded to a Segway to get around. Sort of a crabby, grammar correcting, prescriptivist Segway Centaur.
Toddson - May 20, 2011 4:56:16 am PDT #680 of 1328
Friends don't let friends read "Atlas Shrugged"
Burrell, in Natter, offers comfort for those who STILL haven't watched that show with The Rapture looming:
There will still be time for the heathen to clean off their tivos.
Vortex - May 20, 2011 8:40:55 am PDT #681 of 1328
"Cry havoc and let slip the boobs of war!" -- Miracleman
Re: spilling coffee on a brand new computer.
Steph L.:
I ordered a keyboard protector right away, and it should be delivered in a couple of days.
Instead of being made of silicone, the keyboard protector is made of 100% IRONY.
WindSparrow - May 24, 2011 6:11:31 pm PDT #682 of 1328
Love is stronger than death and harder than sorrow. Those who practice it are fierce like the light of stars traveling eons to pierce the night.
Shir, in Bitches:
Dear Bureaucracy,
I think we've reached a point in our relationship where I'd like to have a safety word.
No love, Me
billytea - May 24, 2011 10:22:10 pm PDT #683 of 1328
You were a wrong baby who grew up wrong. The wrong kind of wrong. It's better you hear it from a friend.
This needs to be Comm'd. Hec, in Natter:
I've been meaning to share two Emmett stories, one baseball, one Krav.
Krav: So they're doing a stress drill, with one person on the ground in a defensive posture (elbows up protecting head, knees up) and eight others are beating that person with punching pads. Then they collapse down on that person who needs to fight their way out. Teacher decides that they should ratchet up the stress levels with verbal abuse.
At first nobody says anything, but my 14 y.o. knows where to start on the guy on the ground.
[Side note: guy on the ground looks pretty much exactly like Gary - aka, 21 - on Venture Brothers.]
Emmett: "You suck!" ::whacks with pad::
LooksLikeGary: "Uhh...."
Emmett: "Your toes are hairy!" ::whack!::
Emmett: "What's with your stupid ponytail?!"
LooksLikeGary: "I like Steven Segal!"
Instructor: "?! Then Steven Segal your way out of this!"
LooksLikeGary: "I don't even know what that means!"
Emmett: ::whack!:: "Make shitty movies until you can crawl away!"
Baseball: So Emmett's joined a summer team and they have a tournament this weekend. They got their jerseys after last practice.
Emmett: "So...why does it say 'Genesis' on the front of the jerseys?"
Coach: "Uh. Well, we put in the order and told them the team's name wasn't decided yet so just to say 'Albany'.
Emmett: "So...why does it say 'Genesis'?
Coach: "Well, there was a mixup. They asked us what font to use and we told them to use Genesis font for the front. And they said, 'You want us to use Genesis on the front?' And we said, 'Yeah, Genesis on the front.'"
Me: "You're lucky your team's name isn't The Albany Comic Sans."
Matthew (Emmett's teammate): "We could've been the Albany Arial Black."
hippocampus - May 25, 2011 9:14:54 am PDT #684 of 1328
not your mom's socks.
Erika, on writing a bio, in GWW:
I guess I could have put in that Hec thinks I'm as twisted and funny as a monkey in a crackhouse, cause really? That's as close as I've come to a review so far.ETA: I suppose all I can say is that I feel your pain...the bio statement makes me conscious of all the ways my real life isn't cool, and yet? I sort of resent those writers who go Full Metal Asshole on the subject and write that they were raised by haiku-writing wolves, because maybe I just want to pay you a compliment, dickweed. Not really have a meditation on how artificial the biographical statement is, and "Don't you hate these things?"(And yet, I do. But sometimes I think our generation will die of irony poisoning.)
Liese S. - May 28, 2011 6:07:58 am PDT #685 of 1328
"Faded like the lilac, he thought."
Cass in Bureau:
We're very pedantic. And I like that about us.