I do have to laugh about how Tatum finally put in a performance that got people to start taking him seriously as an actor in Foxcatcher and it's immediately deep-sixed by trailers of him in a space opera with frosted troll hair and Vulcan ears. Eddie Murphy must be facepalming in sympathy right now.
Riley: No pulse. Anya: Yup. The space lamb got 'im.
'Never Leave Me'
Buffista Movies 7: Brides for 7 Samurai
A place to talk about movies--old and new, good and bad, high art and high cheese. It's the place to place your kittens on the award winners, gossip about upcoming fims and discuss DVD releases and extras. Spoiler policy: White font all plot-related discussion until a movie's been in wide release two weeks, and keep the major HSQ in white font until two weeks after the video/DVD release.
Matt the Bruins fan - Feb 06, 2015 6:33:21 am PST #28391 of 30000
"I remember when they eventually introduced that drug kingpin who murdered people and smuggled drugs inside snakes and I was like 'Finally. A normal person.'” —RahvinDragand
Jessica - Feb 06, 2015 8:13:02 am PST #28392 of 30000
And then Ortus came and said "It's Ortin' time" and they all Orted off into the sunset
Okay, so I love the Wachowskis. I love everything they have ever put on film, full stop, no exceptions, warts and all. I love their corny tacked-on love stories and their ridiculous obsession with telephones and elevators. I went into Jupiter Ascending fully confident that no matter how much of an unholy mess it was, that I would love it anyway because it would be an unholy Wachowski mess.
And it was so, so, so terrible.
The movie shows clear signs of studio fuckery - delayed release, awkward voiceover intro, bizarre pacing issues. So there is that to take into account. But the script that wound up onscreen is so inexplicably awful that I'm not sure the original directors' cut would have been much better.
Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis have whatever the opposite of chemistry is. Maybe in the future humans are so evolved that uncontrollable sexual attraction looks a lot like dead-eyed boredom?
Jupiter does literally nothing the entire movie. The way the movie seems to be structured, you think oh, she's the Chosen One, and oh, AWESOME they're gonna reverse the Trinity Syndrome! But, NOPE. Her ENTIRE STORYLINE is being repeatedly kidnapped and talked into making terrible decisions until Channing Tatum rescues her at the last minute. OVER AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, W's. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
Atropa - Feb 06, 2015 9:07:17 am PST #28393 of 30000
The artist formerly associated with cupcakes.
The costumes look pretty? That's pretty much the only thing I've taken from the trailers.
Beverly - Feb 06, 2015 9:18:37 am PST #28394 of 30000
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.
The burning question is, does Sean Bean die?
Polter-Cow - Feb 06, 2015 9:30:37 am PST #28395 of 30000
What else besides ramen can you scoop? YOU CAN SCOOP THIS WORLD FROM DARKNESS!
Her ENTIRE STORYLINE is being repeatedly kidnapped and talked into making terrible decisions until Channing Tatum rescues her at the last minute. OVER AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, W's. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
Ugh nooooooooo.
Jessica - Feb 06, 2015 10:14:08 am PST #28396 of 30000
And then Ortus came and said "It's Ortin' time" and they all Orted off into the sunset
The costumes and production design are pretty spectacular, and the movie looked great in 3D.
Zenkitty - Feb 06, 2015 10:15:07 am PST #28397 of 30000
Every now and then, I think I might actually be a little odd.
I've been reliably informed that Sean Bean does not die. That may not really be a spoiler because no one really cares what happens in this movie.
I just am never sure how long a hug should last.
When either party is ready for the hug to be over, it's over. With men, I'll accept the embrace, squeeze, pat, release, and step back. If he holds on longer than that, he better be my long-lost brother. With women, I let her decide how long and how hard she wants to hug, within my cutoff of about five seconds, unless I'm hugging her because she's having a crisis.
Anyone heard anything about Kingsmen? I think it'll be awful, and I want to see it anyway.
Steph L. - Feb 06, 2015 10:16:46 am PST #28398 of 30000
I look more rad than Lutheranism
Anyone heard anything about Kingsmen? I think it'll be awful, and I want to see it anyway.
It looks fun, in a blow-shit-up-oh-hey-Colin-Firth way. Meaning, I totally want to see it.
Jessica - Feb 06, 2015 10:20:54 am PST #28399 of 30000
And then Ortus came and said "It's Ortin' time" and they all Orted off into the sunset
ExBossFriend said it was terrific, but I doubt I'll have a chance to catch it in theaters.
EpicTangent - Feb 06, 2015 10:25:47 am PST #28400 of 30000
Why isn't everyone pelting me with JOY, dammit? - Zenkitty
It looks fun, in a blow-shit-up-oh-hey-Colin-Firth way. Meaning, I totally want to see it.
Steph is me.