So, Jess, tell us how you feel about Jupiter Ascending.
I can't. I'm too sad.
I like the ruffles.
Kaylee ,'Shindig'
Buffista Movies 7: Brides for 7 Samurai
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Jessica - Feb 06, 2015 5:34:30 am PST #28387 of 30000
And then Ortus came and said "It's Ortin' time" and they all Orted off into the sunset
Matt the Bruins fan - Feb 06, 2015 5:36:13 am PST #28388 of 30000
"I remember when they eventually introduced that drug kingpin who murdered people and smuggled drugs inside snakes and I was like 'Finally. A normal person.'” —RahvinDragand
Is that the one where Channing Tatum plays a Keebler elf who rescues the snotty girl on That Seventies Show from space pirates?
Tom Scola - Feb 06, 2015 5:37:37 am PST #28389 of 30000
Remember that the frontier of the Rebellion is everywhere. And even the smallest act of insurrection pushes our lines forward.
Yes, but the way you describe it makes it sound like a good movie.
Jessica - Feb 06, 2015 6:22:00 am PST #28390 of 30000
And then Ortus came and said "It's Ortin' time" and they all Orted off into the sunset
It's like Guardians of the Galaxy meets Dune but they don't have anything to say to each other so they just stand around awkwardly for two hours and then leave.
Matt the Bruins fan - Feb 06, 2015 6:33:21 am PST #28391 of 30000
"I remember when they eventually introduced that drug kingpin who murdered people and smuggled drugs inside snakes and I was like 'Finally. A normal person.'” —RahvinDragand
I do have to laugh about how Tatum finally put in a performance that got people to start taking him seriously as an actor in Foxcatcher and it's immediately deep-sixed by trailers of him in a space opera with frosted troll hair and Vulcan ears. Eddie Murphy must be facepalming in sympathy right now.
Jessica - Feb 06, 2015 8:13:02 am PST #28392 of 30000
And then Ortus came and said "It's Ortin' time" and they all Orted off into the sunset
Okay, so I love the Wachowskis. I love everything they have ever put on film, full stop, no exceptions, warts and all. I love their corny tacked-on love stories and their ridiculous obsession with telephones and elevators. I went into Jupiter Ascending fully confident that no matter how much of an unholy mess it was, that I would love it anyway because it would be an unholy Wachowski mess.
And it was so, so, so terrible.
The movie shows clear signs of studio fuckery - delayed release, awkward voiceover intro, bizarre pacing issues. So there is that to take into account. But the script that wound up onscreen is so inexplicably awful that I'm not sure the original directors' cut would have been much better.
Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis have whatever the opposite of chemistry is. Maybe in the future humans are so evolved that uncontrollable sexual attraction looks a lot like dead-eyed boredom?
Jupiter does literally nothing the entire movie. The way the movie seems to be structured, you think oh, she's the Chosen One, and oh, AWESOME they're gonna reverse the Trinity Syndrome! But, NOPE. Her ENTIRE STORYLINE is being repeatedly kidnapped and talked into making terrible decisions until Channing Tatum rescues her at the last minute. OVER AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, W's. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
Atropa - Feb 06, 2015 9:07:17 am PST #28393 of 30000
The artist formerly associated with cupcakes.
The costumes look pretty? That's pretty much the only thing I've taken from the trailers.
Beverly - Feb 06, 2015 9:18:37 am PST #28394 of 30000
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.
The burning question is, does Sean Bean die?
Polter-Cow - Feb 06, 2015 9:30:37 am PST #28395 of 30000
What else besides ramen can you scoop? YOU CAN SCOOP THIS WORLD FROM DARKNESS!
Her ENTIRE STORYLINE is being repeatedly kidnapped and talked into making terrible decisions until Channing Tatum rescues her at the last minute. OVER AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, W's. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
Ugh nooooooooo.
Jessica - Feb 06, 2015 10:14:08 am PST #28396 of 30000
And then Ortus came and said "It's Ortin' time" and they all Orted off into the sunset
The costumes and production design are pretty spectacular, and the movie looked great in 3D.