Willow ,'Never Leave Me'
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eta: THutton strikes me as the kind of guy who could use a hug. Zen could do him good.
I sure could. I give great hug.
I'm not a hugger myself, in that I don't go in for the hug, but if someone else wants to hug, I'm totally happy to hug back. (Unless it's a creepy guy who wants hug me in lieu of copping a feel. I can always tell; it's not just a hug, creepy guy.)
In the famous people who are even more attractive in real life category: Gerard Way. This is not just my swooning crush talking. He's astonishingly pretty.
He's very pretty, but looks about the same in real life as he does in pictures.
I am as Zen in the hug department. Although, as I've gotten older, I have learned to hug more, at least my family. 'ffistas have taught me to ask first about strangers, but will hug with zeal when given clearance. I just tend to release from hugs fairly quickly, because they still don't feel quite natural to me. Not that I don't like them! I just am never sure how long a hug should last.
So, Jess, tell us how you feel about Jupiter Ascending.
So, Jess, tell us how you feel about Jupiter Ascending.
I can't. I'm too sad.
Is that the one where Channing Tatum plays a Keebler elf who rescues the snotty girl on That Seventies Show from space pirates?
Yes, but the way you describe it makes it sound like a good movie.
It's like Guardians of the Galaxy meets Dune but they don't have anything to say to each other so they just stand around awkwardly for two hours and then leave.
I do have to laugh about how Tatum finally put in a performance that got people to start taking him seriously as an actor in Foxcatcher and it's immediately deep-sixed by trailers of him in a space opera with frosted troll hair and Vulcan ears. Eddie Murphy must be facepalming in sympathy right now.
Okay, so I love the Wachowskis. I love everything they have ever put on film, full stop, no exceptions, warts and all. I love their corny tacked-on love stories and their ridiculous obsession with telephones and elevators. I went into Jupiter Ascending fully confident that no matter how much of an unholy mess it was, that I would love it anyway because it would be an unholy Wachowski mess.
And it was so, so, so terrible.
The movie shows clear signs of studio fuckery - delayed release, awkward voiceover intro, bizarre pacing issues. So there is that to take into account. But the script that wound up onscreen is so inexplicably awful that I'm not sure the original directors' cut would have been much better.
Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis have whatever the opposite of chemistry is. Maybe in the future humans are so evolved that uncontrollable sexual attraction looks a lot like dead-eyed boredom?
Jupiter does literally nothing the entire movie. The way the movie seems to be structured, you think oh, she's the Chosen One, and oh, AWESOME they're gonna reverse the Trinity Syndrome! But, NOPE. Her ENTIRE STORYLINE is being repeatedly kidnapped and talked into making terrible decisions until Channing Tatum rescues her at the last minute. OVER AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, W's. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.