(I'm quietly amused that erika's post has now stopped the thread for almost an hour. No opinion on the actual substance of the post though, because confrontation makes me want to run to the next room, going "la la la la")

Ok. I’m going to step in and say something and hopefully open the thread back up.

All of us – every last one of us in this thread and on this board with any sort of regularity - have asked for support from our fellow Buffistas. And we have all received it in one form or another. Be it brackets or care packages or words of encouragement or sage advice or tough love. The majority of us have asked for support on the same issue numerous times. Whether it is hair pats, reassurance, slaying of the body demons, advice on the same issue, or just general bitching about one particular aspect of our lives. Because we are a supportive group, we give the support when asked for. Because we are a willful group, we don’t give it where we don’t want to. There is lots of support to give and those who want to will give it. And those who don’t want to won’t. But I, personally, don’t think it’s fair to tell someone they are asking for too much from the group and that they are using up all of the support. I wouldn’t want anyone second-guessing whether or not they can ask for some support from their community. I don’t think that’s what we’re about.

Yes, I'm not quite sure how to respond, but I respect erika for bringing something up that clearly has been bothering her so directly and forthrightly.

ETA:

Because we are a willful group, we don’t give it where we don’t want to.

Suh-nerk.

Because we are a willful group, we don’t give it where we don’t want to. There is lots of support to give and those who want to will give it.

This.

Because we are a willful group, we don’t give it where we don’t want to.

Suh-nerk.

Heh. And Ditto.

Personally, I can't decide if that means a lot of Bitches agree with me or if a lot of them are looking up delicate ways to tell a brain-damaged person she sucks. And that thought almost pushed me into an immediate apology, but that sort of thing is probably why I'm so unhappy so much of the time...it's not that I don't get the people-pleasing family dynamic thing, it's more that since I posted that thought I don't have to suck it up now or do the bitchy, back-channel Girl thing and tell my friends Sunil has stupid hair because I'm annoyed.

it's more that since I posted that thought I don't have to suck it up now or do the bitchy, back-channel Girl thing and tell my friends Sunil has stupid hair because I'm annoyed.

Honestly, like Aimee said, everyone asks for support sometimes. And I don't think it's fair to single out one person because you're annoyed ... that he gets a lot of the support he asks for? But that's just me.

I don't believe in thread nannying, but I can understand how it can be frustrating if you feel that you are being routinely ignored while others get hairpats everytime. I never know how much of it is in my head when I feel that way, and how much of it is, "she's really annoying, and maybe if we ignore her she'll go away".

Oh for sure, sj! I have hand my hand hovering over the mouse button because I wonder if I'm "bothering" people too much with my same old bullshit. But then I remember, "Hey. That's what I love most about this place - that I'll get support no matter how many times I ask for it, even if it's the same Aimee Wants a Camel Bullshit." Those who want to offer support will, and those who don't won't. And honestly? I never notice who does or who doesn't. Maybe people were away, maybe someone has me MARCIE'd, maybe someone just plain doesn't give a shit. Any and all of those are viable outcomes. Either way, I feel good about the fact that I can at least ask.

I never know how much of it is in my head when I feel that way, and how much of it is, "she's really annoying, and maybe if we ignore her she'll go away".

I was just writing a post about this, but since sj said it better than I did, I'm going to just agree. I *always* feel like I am the annoying, uncool poster, but I think that's partly due to being the internet and partly me.