What is black and white and red all over?
I heard it as a penguin in a blender.
Saffron: He's my husband. Mal: Well, who in the damn galaxy ain't?
'Trash'
Natter 63: Life after PuppyCam
Off-topic discussion. Wanna talk about corsets, duct tape, or physics? This is the place. Detailed discussion of any current-season TV must be whitefonted.
Theodosia - Mar 18, 2009 9:20:39 am PDT #11326 of 30000
'we all walk this earth feeling we are frauds. The trick is to be grateful and hope the caper doesn't end any time soon"
Daisy Jane - Mar 18, 2009 9:21:32 am PDT #11327 of 30000
"This bar smells like kerosene and stripper tears."
How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun
How do you kill a pink elephant? Hold its nose until it turns blue and then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
What time is it when an elephant is sitting on your fence? Time to get a new fence.
What's the difference between an elephant and a grape? Grapes are purple.
What did Tarzan say when he saw all the elephants coming over the hill? "Look at all those elephants coming over the hill!"
What did Tarzan say when he saw all the elephants coming over the hill with sunglasses on? Nothing, he didn't recognize them.
What did Jane say when she saw all the elephants coming over the hill? "Look at all the grapes coming over the hill!" She was color blind.
Lee - Mar 18, 2009 9:23:45 am PDT #11328 of 30000
The feeling you get when your brain finally lets your heart get in its pants.
What's the difference between an elephant and a grape?
I always heard this as they are both purple, except the elephant.
Kat - Mar 18, 2009 9:24:13 am PDT #11329 of 30000
"I keep to a strict diet of ill-advised enthusiasm and heartfelt regret." Leigh Bardugo
I LOVE CORNY JOKES!
You all are cracking me up.
My classes' favorite has been:
What do a Christmas Tree and a priest have in common? Their balls are just for decoration.
But one that is cleaner? What do you call the chicken who crosses the road, rolls in the dirt and crosses back? A Dirty Double Crosser.
Trudy Booth - Mar 18, 2009 9:25:40 am PDT #11330 of 30000
Greece's financial crisis threatens to take down all of Western civilization - a civilization they themselves founded. A rather tragic irony - which is something they also invented. - Jon Stewart
The racy joke among my cousins was:
Knock-knock
Who's there?
Uncle Duncan's Underwear!
You'd sort of sing the last part. And why of all our relatives Uncle Duncan got it I cannot tell you.
Daisy Jane - Mar 18, 2009 9:33:16 am PDT #11331 of 30000
"This bar smells like kerosene and stripper tears."
One of my best friends and I spend all of Elephant Appreciation Day (mid-Sept) sending these back and forth. We've got a million of 'em.
How do elephants hide? They paint their toenails red and hide in cherry trees.
Daisy Jane - Mar 18, 2009 9:34:03 am PDT #11332 of 30000
"This bar smells like kerosene and stripper tears."
Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? Works don't it!
Kathy A - Mar 18, 2009 9:35:36 am PDT #11333 of 30000
We're very stretchy. - Connie Neil
The jokes I remember from junior high were either racy:
Why did the snowman drop his pants? Because he saw the snowblower approaching.
Or they were really non-PC and inappropriate (a lot of Natalie Wood jokes right after her death, Helen Keller jokes, and "what do you call a man with no arms and no legs XXXX?").
tommyrot - Mar 18, 2009 9:37:49 am PDT #11334 of 30000
Sir, it's not an offence to let your cat eat your bacon. Okay? And we don't arrest cats, I'm very sorry.
Or they were really non-PC and inappropriate (a lot of Natalie Wood jokes right after her death, Helen Keller jokes, and "what do you call a man with no arms and no legs XXXX?").
Yeah, I remember all of those. Plus who was that teacher who died when the Space Shuttle disintegrated on launch in '86? There were a lot of jokes about her.
Jesse - Mar 18, 2009 9:38:44 am PDT #11335 of 30000
Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be.
Bob! Eileen! Matt!
When I was a kid, we had a lot of inappropriate Challenger jokes.