What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?

Heh.

What did the leper say to the hooker?

Keep the tip.

Ew.

Ew.

ita started it.

ION, Panhandling Cat

This cat begging money was spotted in one of the cities of Belarus. He stays on one place with a note that reads “need money for meat and fish, bless you”. He doesn’t leave his place and protects the money just with his sight. His owner was found nearby. It was an old lady. She told the story that she had rescued the cat from the slaughters, but at that time she had already owned some pets and couldn’t feed them all, so he decided to let the pets earn the money for themselves.

Speaking of Shakespeare claims: An academic claims to have discovered six previously unrecognised works by William Shakespeare.

Hmmm, seems like Wounded Vet + Baseball = Automatic Verklempt for me.

***********

The flag traveled around the world and through the deserts of Afghanistan and Iraq. Sgt. Felix Perez brought it from home as a reminder and an amulet. The flag never left his Army backpack.

It accompanied Perez to Dolphin Stadium on Tuesday night. He needed some luck for his team, the United States, in its must-win World Baseball Classic game against Puerto Rico. Perez wore a Team USA hat and a Team USA hoodie, and his little sister, Jessica, draped his flag across her shoulders. The United States’ 6-5 come-from-behind victory in the ninth inning sent them into a frenzy. She danced around. He sat in his motorized wheelchair and roared.

On the way out, the 27-year-old Perez placed the flag in his lap and leaned over to a security guard manning Gate G. He was hoping some players from Team USA might sign it. The security guard led Perez and his sister to the U.S. clubhouse, and the flag went inside.

“The next thing I know,” Perez said, “I’m getting called to come back in there.”

And so began the coolest 30 minutes of Felix Perez’s life. On an evening when he felt especially proud to be an American – when a group of his sporting heroes wearing his country’s name across their chests banded together to win a game they had no business winning – Perez found himself surrounded by them, doused with celebratory Miller Lites, with the American flag that was with him during the worst moment of his life passed around the room and signed by every player on the team.

“Everybody,” Perez said.

Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

It was dead, too.

Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?

Peer pressure.

Also, what did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?

Here come the elephants over the hill!

What did he say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill with sunglasses on?

Nothing; he didn't recognize them.

And, why is an elephant like a grape?

They're both purple, except for the elephant.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Where's my tractor?

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Heh.

Sara went through a joke-making phase about a year ago. They were all variations of, "What do you get when you cross a tree and a lamp? A ... tree-lamp! Bwah ha ha!" It was all very *four*.

Q) What is green, hangs on a wall and whistles?

A) A herring!

Q) A herring isn't green!

A) So, you could paint it green.

Q) A herring doesn't hang on a wall.

A) You could hang it on a wall.

Q) A herring doesn't whistle

A) Nu, so it doesn't whistle!

How do you know when an elephant has been in your refrigerator? Footprints in the jello

How do you stop a rhino from charging? Take away his credit card

What is black and white and red all over? A zebra with a sunburn