Dean is a massively broken person by this point.

I was thinking about that this morning, watching the S1 reruns (Hell House and Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things).

Dean's playfulness in Hell House -- snapping the silly picture of Sam, daring Sam to drink from the gross jar in the basement -- seems so sadly like a second chance at childhood to me.

Grownup!Dean is all about hedonism (when he's not about saving Sam or the job) -- sex with pretty girls, loud music, whatever food tastes best, alcohol. He's always mentioning going to Vegas, or Cancun, or the Star Trek Experience -- *fun* stuff.

And when you look at CSPwDT or AVSC, you see why. Dean didn't get a chance to be a kid then. The fun stuff -- the last of the Lucky Charms, even the innocence -- was left to Sam.

And I think that's why Sam is always turning up his nose at Dean goofing off that way -- he got to be a kid, longer than Dean did anyway, and then he got to make his way, making his own choices, which Dean didn't get to do. (I would bet Dean never asked John if they could go to the Grand Canyon, and we know baseball games weren't a thing they did.) Sam doesn't need to be a kid again; Dean does.

Which ... is probably something everyone already knows, but I was thinking about this morning and it made me sad. So, uh, I shared.

How soon do you figure Dean knew about the supernatural? About when John did? There's just no indication that he was ever sheltered, and that's sadmaking. Because 4! I know he saw what he saw, but do y'all figure the hunt was a conscious part of his life (even though he wasn't on them yet) as soon as his father started on them?

I would think so, at least partly. Or maybe not until he was a little bit older, but then I'm not sure John started hunting the next day.

I can see John saying something like, "I have to find the thing that killed Mommy," or something to that effect.

I can see John saying something like, "I have to find the thing that killed Mommy,"

John! Shut up!

I'm not a hater, I swear. I just have broken!Dean issues big time right now.

I hate the idea of it, even if I can't bring myself to hate John, but I also think as a parent you only have a few options, once you've made the decision to hunt, and when your child knows something was freaky with Mommy's death.

I mean, even at four, you know Mommy doesn't belong up there, so. It would probably depend on how much your kid asks, too -- if Dean wanted to know what happened, there's lying and then there's lying. And he clearly never believed in Santa, so I'm thinking John didn't hold too much back.

It's one of those things I can see saying in the moment, and then quickly regretting it -- "I'm hunting what killed Mommy" as a way to make your absence more palatable, and then realizing, good god, what does the poor kid think about that?

At that point, though, it's too late.

I saw CSPwDT this morning and I was mildly surprised with John checking his guns and packing them up with Sam just sitting there. I guess he was supposed to be hooked on Thundercats on the TV, but shoot, if my parent had a gun out, it would draw my attention.

Just seemed like John was pretty lax about hiding hunting from Sam at that point in time.

But remember, Sam wouldn't know he was hunting monsters. Cops and people who hunt game don't hide their weapons from their kids, so I think it was probably just part of the cover story.

Just seemed like John was pretty lax about hiding hunting from Sam at that point in time.

Maybe he thought John was a gun salesman?

I interrupt the Sam discussion to bring you a video interview with JDM for his new movie. At the 7:12 mark he discusses SPN. To sum it up, he says that he loves JA & JP and would do anything for them, but doesn't sound so found of Kripke. Says he keeps hearing that he's too busy to appear on the show again, but that he's never been contacted. However given the way he hears the character of John's been trashed he doesn't think he could go back and play him again anyway.

Now I need to watch A Very Supernatural Christmas to refresh Sam questioning Dean about the journal and what John was doing.