but man did we ever live in dire fear of the wooden spoon.

My mother, when she was in a particularly bad place after she and my dad separated, was very hair-trigger with her temper. One time, she came after me with a Dr. Scholl's wooden shoe.

Fucker hurts like a bitch, lemme tell you what.

Only times I've ever smacked the kids was when they were much smaller and about to do something incredibly stupid, like when Nate was about to touch the hot burner on the island cooktop. I was on the opposite side and the only way I could keep him from doing it was to lunge across the island and smack his hand away.

We were just made to feel my parents' disappointment in our behavior, and we lost their trust. It was surprisingly effective.

Word. On the other hand, I've wondered if it caused my overactive guilt reflex as an adult.

Just to bring things around, the only time I EVER got grounded was when I was out till midnight on a school night... with Miracleman. Would that we had been doing something more interesting than playing poker with quilt squares, but that really was it.

And I think I can finally go home, carrying my grading with me. Joy!

I was spanked as a kid and am no worse for the wear. Only traumatic one was when I was spanked for crying. I'm sure there was more context there, but I didn't work it out at the time. Didn't stop me crying, that's for sure.

I was difficult to punish otherwise. I didn't go out that much, so grounding was ineffective. I didn't watch tv, so there weren't tv privileges to revoke. I remember once as a child I was disciplined for eating some treat at a verboten time, by being sent to my room...where the treat was. Hee.

Also being sent to my room was the most frequent and least effective punishment, because that was where the books were!

I think I might have been spanked as a child, but I don't really remember. My grandma did swat me with the backside of the hairbrush if I cried or screamed or squirmed when she was brushing my hair. Which assured that I learned to brush my own hair in short order. Actually, come to think of it, this is probably why my mom cut my hair short for several years.

When I was sixteen I called my mother a bitch and we got into a physical altercation with her trying to wash my mouth out with soap. We were both REALLY angry, but I was far stronger, and I really kind of deserved it.

My mom being disappointed in me did not work, as she had a far worse opinion of me than what was going on-- I think she expected a hard drinking, going out kinda girl, and she got a goody two shoes. SO we were usually arguing over something she totally misconstrued, like my coming home and having the hiccups leading her to think I was drunk when I did not have a drink until graduation night, when I had one wine cooler!

When I was sixteen I called my mother a bitch and we got into a physical altercation with her trying to wash my mouth out with soap. We were both REALLY angry, but I was far stronger, and I really kind of deserved it.

Ok, at the risk of sounding like a textbook example, I swear I was the only one this ever happened to.

Except I told my mother to go fuck herself.

My mom being disappointed in me did not work, as she had a far worse opinion of me than what was going on

Our moms should have a club.

ETD jaunty apostrophe.

It's been an interesting discussion to read. I wasd occassionally spanked that I remember, no idea when I was a toddler. Most research I've read comes down on the side that spanking is not effective and in some instances give the wrong message. It still is surprising to me that it has been outlawed in so many countries.

Barb - that's the attention smack. Not nessicarily painful -- more of a shock. It makes sense for a kid about to do something dangerous.

We were hit with the wooden spoon. I can't remember why. and the talk back/ inappropriate language - was wash your mouth out with soap. While not good, not nearly as bad as it sounds. and I am not so sure it was effective either.

My parents were really young when first had kids - I think there was a lot of trial and error. Somewhere along the way I think they figured out their own behavior ( neither of my parents really swear, for example) and loss of things that were valuable to us worked best.

The other thing - we were treated differently. We were held to the same standards, but the punishment was designed for us. Grounding might make me complain, but taking all my books out of my room ( ok they missed a few) was a bigger deal.

the no television punishment -- that was the one we hoped for. not that painful for a house full of readers. Except it was always a bit worse than no television --- it was an isolation punishment. Because after dinner my whole family went into the family room to watch tv-- with books in hand as well. But if you couldn't watch tv, you couldn't be in that room. so you were away from the whole family.

as she had a far worse opinion of me than what was going on

My parents were incredibly fair to us, which is one of the reasons I think their disappointment was so effective. I don't know about my adult guilt, but my DH often says that I have the most overdeveloped sense of justice that he's ever run into.

Ok, at the risk of sounding like a textbook example, I swear I was the only one this ever happened to.

Me too!

Our moms should have a club.

Now that I am thinking about it, this behavior makes sense given my mom's rampant paranoia.