When I was sixteen I called my mother a bitch and we got into a physical altercation with her trying to wash my mouth out with soap. We were both REALLY angry, but I was far stronger, and I really kind of deserved it.

Ok, at the risk of sounding like a textbook example, I swear I was the only one this ever happened to.

Except I told my mother to go fuck herself.

My mom being disappointed in me did not work, as she had a far worse opinion of me than what was going on

Our moms should have a club.

ETD jaunty apostrophe.

It's been an interesting discussion to read. I wasd occassionally spanked that I remember, no idea when I was a toddler. Most research I've read comes down on the side that spanking is not effective and in some instances give the wrong message. It still is surprising to me that it has been outlawed in so many countries.

Barb - that's the attention smack. Not nessicarily painful -- more of a shock. It makes sense for a kid about to do something dangerous.

We were hit with the wooden spoon. I can't remember why. and the talk back/ inappropriate language - was wash your mouth out with soap. While not good, not nearly as bad as it sounds. and I am not so sure it was effective either.

My parents were really young when first had kids - I think there was a lot of trial and error. Somewhere along the way I think they figured out their own behavior ( neither of my parents really swear, for example) and loss of things that were valuable to us worked best.

The other thing - we were treated differently. We were held to the same standards, but the punishment was designed for us. Grounding might make me complain, but taking all my books out of my room ( ok they missed a few) was a bigger deal.

the no television punishment -- that was the one we hoped for. not that painful for a house full of readers. Except it was always a bit worse than no television --- it was an isolation punishment. Because after dinner my whole family went into the family room to watch tv-- with books in hand as well. But if you couldn't watch tv, you couldn't be in that room. so you were away from the whole family.

as she had a far worse opinion of me than what was going on

My parents were incredibly fair to us, which is one of the reasons I think their disappointment was so effective. I don't know about my adult guilt, but my DH often says that I have the most overdeveloped sense of justice that he's ever run into.

Ok, at the risk of sounding like a textbook example, I swear I was the only one this ever happened to.

Me too!

Our moms should have a club.

Now that I am thinking about it, this behavior makes sense given my mom's rampant paranoia.

Yeah, my mother never believed anything I ever told her from a very young age that my default became lying. I figured fuck it - why bother with the truth when she doesn't believe it anyway.

In the context of our teaching, I'm much quicker to discipline than D. is. No corporal, of course. (Hee, I almost typed corporeal, which would be a whole nother thing.) Discipline is something that is often not offered at home, so we are clear and specific with it so that they grow to understand our set boundaries. Of course, for the most part, our classes are voluntary, so the worst possible punishment is to be asked to leave.

But I will intervene quickly, because I feel that we have a lot of safety issues to preserve. Usually it doesn't take much more than a quick public Stern Comment. If it makes it to a Quiet Aside Stern Comment, then we're in serious ground and it usually holds over effectiveness for months afterward. By the time it hits Loss of Privileges, we usually have other issues going on that need addressed.

But I definitely have Teacher Voice in a way that he either doesn't have or doesn't choose to use. But we also do lots of modeling and positive reinforcement, because that's usually also lacking.

My dad spanked me about three or four times in my life--usually when I did something that would get me killed. However, once, I lied to his face about a boy that he hated (with good reason). Dad raised his hand as if he was going to slap me but he just lowered it. I never forgot the look of disgust and disappointment on his face.

That hurt me more than a slap ever could.

I'd consider my parents mild spankers. Nothing too horrible and certainly not abusive. I've broken down and swatted Liv and O once or twice but it's just not as effective as a time out or taking something away that they like. They just don't connect the physical violence with my desire that they behave.

YCMV.

I am actually a really, really good liar if I plan it out (but I don't lie much anymore), but sometimes I am so nervous during on the spot truth telling that people think I am covering.