It seems incredibly unfair to me, and those types of manipulative comments are even worse. I'm sorry you're facing this with her.
---
Laga, did you have a happy birthday yesterday?
The Bay City Rollers, now that's music.
Giles ,'Sleeper'
Spike's Bitches 43: Who am I kidding? I love to brag.
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
Pix - Jan 28, 2009 11:38:22 am PST #9433 of 10000
We're all getting played with, babe. -Weird Barbie
omnis_audis - Jan 28, 2009 11:49:53 am PST #9434 of 10000
omnis, pursue. That's an order from a shy woman who can use M-16. - Shir
Date seemed to go ok. Still not sure if it was a date-date, or just two friends getting together-date. But I am still smitten. The hard part will be, one of her cats sounds super ill, and doesn't sound like she wants to leave her place much. So how to push to do stuff, without sounding cold and uncaring for the cat.
ION, I think I finally found a bowling alley!!
Volans - Jan 28, 2009 11:54:14 am PST #9435 of 10000
move out and draw fire
I'm still tattoo shopping, and this one is pretty freaking awesome: [link]
Vortex - Jan 28, 2009 11:57:36 am PST #9436 of 10000
"Cry havoc and let slip the boobs of war!" -- Miracleman
So how to push to do stuff, without sounding cold and uncaring for the cat.
You tap the Buffista hivemind for sick cat tips, then call her and say "I mentioned to a friend that your cat wasn't well, and he suggested ______ I can bring some over and we could watch a movie, if you like."
beekaytee - Jan 28, 2009 11:59:54 am PST #9437 of 10000
Compassionately intolerant
It sounds shitty, but part of me thinks that it's unfair that she's dumping all of this on me when there are plenty of other people that she can rely on (like, my brother or her best friend).
That's not shitty at all. It seems completely realistic.
I wonder why her focus has shifted to you, rather than your brother and her friend.
I know it is hard, but I can't see tolerating comments like, "I wouldn't treat my worst enemy the way that you treat me" without saying (in my head only, of course) Great! I'll introduce you to MY worst enemy. You might just get along.
Emotional manipulation is so unfair and never seems to be resolved by going along with it.
Vortex - Jan 28, 2009 12:05:17 pm PST #9438 of 10000
"Cry havoc and let slip the boobs of war!" -- Miracleman
My response when she makes statements like that is "okay".
What I want to say is "Really? Well, I wouldn't put up with this crap from anyone but my mother, so I guess we're even"
She said once "do you treat your friends the way you treat me?" I did not respond "my friends don't act the way that you do, and if they did, I would treat them much worse than you claim that I'm treating you."
Steph L. - Jan 28, 2009 12:07:41 pm PST #9439 of 10000
Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe
beekaytee - Jan 28, 2009 12:12:38 pm PST #9440 of 10000
Compassionately intolerant
That right there is the coolest black and white tattoo I've ever seen. Fabulous concept and execution.
P.M. Marc - Jan 28, 2009 12:13:28 pm PST #9441 of 10000
So come, my friends, be not afraid/We are so lightly here/It is in love that we are made; In love we disappear
Vortex, do you think maybe, given how close you were with your Dad, that you remind her more of him than any other family member?
It's rough, and it's not fair to you. I wish there was a solution.
WindSparrow - Jan 28, 2009 12:17:27 pm PST #9442 of 10000
Love is stronger than death and harder than sorrow. Those who practice it are fierce like the light of stars traveling eons to pierce the night.
Vortex, if this is out of line, feel free to give me a smack down. It sounds to me like your mother is trying very hard to warp your relationship into an addicted/codependent relationship. It is all too possible to have these roles even in situations where there is no substance abuse or other, external addictions. I do not have quite a handle on whether or not she wants to be in the role of the addicted (possibly addicted to you, as opposed to any substance), and she expects you to take on the role of codependent. Or perhaps she wants it to be the other way around, that you would be addicted to the relationship with her and she would be the codependent. But my feeling is that there will be some useful strategies for dealing with this form of manipulation, and for not taking up the burdon of toxic guilt that is being laid out so grandly for your shoulders, in the coping skills that are taught to codependents.