Barb--the same thing was said to me by my best friend when I was going throug my divorce. I don't think she wants you to feel guilty. I think she wants you to be be able to honestly share how crappy you feel.

See, I don't get that from what Barb's friend said. She said that Barb's self-description of being "tiresome" or "fragile" made her (friend) think that Barb thinks that about *other* people going through tough times. And then the friend referenced tough times that *she* had gone through, with Barb by her side.

To me that sounds like the friend making it all about her, when Barb was just talking about herself.

And Barb, I realize I'm being hard on your friend, but I just think that when someone comes to you with their pain, you don't tell them (in essence) they're doing it wrong.

I realize I'm being hard on your friend, but I just think that when someone comes to you with their pain, you don't tell them (in essence) they're doing it wrong.

I see the point in what Scrappy was saying, but really this is what the end result was for me. That I felt that I was doing something wrong. She seems to be having trouble with the concept that just because I see myself one way, I don't see the rest of the world the same way. I'm harder, harder, harder on myself than on anyone else. So because I'm going through this right now and I'm being kind of weepy and fragile, even when I think I've processed through it, and I apologize for feeling like a burden, she takes it to mean that when other people do it, I must think they're being tiresome burdens as well, when that's the furthest thing from the truth.

I was just so stunned by that-- it really set me off and I haven't been able to stop crying since.

{{{{Barb}}}} I'm so sorry, sweetie.

Oh, Barb. I have to hope that she didn't mean it to be quite as harsh as it came out, and I know exactly what you're going through. It's hard to ask for help or reassurance when you're not used to doing it, and my instinct is always to apologize, too. It does NOT mean I think other people are needy or whiny or burdensome when they do, though, and I can see why it upset you.

::cuddles Barb::

Barb, your friend is full of crap -- she just made it All About Her, when it was all about you, and justifiably so.

Also, you are SO not being a drama queen.

What Teppy said! Also, what a lovely picture of your daughter. The boys have been awful for years when trying to get pictures of them.

In political news, I realized on my drive home that I have only seen 2 signs on the amendments. Both urging No votes on the "marriage protection" amendment. This is encouraging.

she takes it to mean that when other people do it, I must think they're being tiresome burdens as well, when that's the furthest thing from the truth.

She's wrong.

And she made it about her, which is also wrong.

She's still your friend (see what I did there; I was all magnanimous and shit and decreed an aspect of your life -- yes, I said, I suppose your friend can still be your friend), but she's also still wrong.

I don't know why she's doing it, but she's taking it personally, when (broken record) it's not about her.

Interesting New Yorker article: The Insiders - How John McCain came to pick Sarah Palin.

eta: About the article, Salon dude sez:

Monday night, I finally got around to reading Jane Mayer's devastating story in the latest New Yorker about how that aw-shucks, consignment-shopping, regular gal-pal Sarah Palin systematically courted the very Eastern liberal media elites she now pretends to disdain. Her famous line from St. Paul, you may remember, is that she was not planning to go "to Washington to seek their good opinion."

That may only be technically true because, as it turns out, she courted key conservative kingmakers from Washington -- including gatekeeping voices like Bill Kristol, Fred Barnes and Michael Gerson -- so she could seek their "good opinion" while they were visiting Alaska. Meanwhile, the self-described anti-Eastern establishment governor hired a public relations firm headquartered in that archconservative state in flyover America, Massachusetts.

she takes it to mean that when other people do it, I must think they're being tiresome burdens as well, when that's the furthest thing from the truth.

Yeah, but it's like being around a really thin person who talks about their weight and how they feel fat. Even if they really only mean THEY feel fat and it has nothing to do with you, it can still feel like a slap. I had a friend who did that and I finally had to say, just please don't. Just, don't.

I don't think Barb's friend picked the right time to tell her this at all, but I do think it's the kind of thing we need those close to us to tell us.

She said that Barb's self-description of being "tiresome" or "fragile" made her (friend) think that Barb thinks that about *other* people going through tough times.

And what Barb was saying (correct me if I'm wrong) is that she's always been told that she is tiresome and fragile by the people around her when she needed an ear, so of course she's apologizing in advance! I think Barb's friend is a complete and utter dunce, who needs to wake up and realize this is all about Barb, right now! And what Barb needs is to be told, it's all right to be sad, mad, scared, whatever, not told to quit being "tiresome" and "fragile", which is, in effect, what her friend has just done by making it all about her.

{{Barb}}

not told to quit being "tiresome" and "fragile", which is, in effect, what her friend has just done by making it all about her.

Well, told to quit calling herself tiresome and fragile, which admittedly is not a humungous deal better at a time like this.

I suspect Scrappy is right about the friend's basic intentions - especially if you've seen her at her worst as she says. But Steph's right about what a shitty angle it is to take right now.

I just wish you weren't going through all this in the first place.