she takes it to mean that when other people do it, I must think they're being tiresome burdens as well, when that's the furthest thing from the truth.

Yeah, but it's like being around a really thin person who talks about their weight and how they feel fat. Even if they really only mean THEY feel fat and it has nothing to do with you, it can still feel like a slap. I had a friend who did that and I finally had to say, just please don't. Just, don't.

I don't think Barb's friend picked the right time to tell her this at all, but I do think it's the kind of thing we need those close to us to tell us.

She said that Barb's self-description of being "tiresome" or "fragile" made her (friend) think that Barb thinks that about *other* people going through tough times.

And what Barb was saying (correct me if I'm wrong) is that she's always been told that she is tiresome and fragile by the people around her when she needed an ear, so of course she's apologizing in advance! I think Barb's friend is a complete and utter dunce, who needs to wake up and realize this is all about Barb, right now! And what Barb needs is to be told, it's all right to be sad, mad, scared, whatever, not told to quit being "tiresome" and "fragile", which is, in effect, what her friend has just done by making it all about her.

{{Barb}}

not told to quit being "tiresome" and "fragile", which is, in effect, what her friend has just done by making it all about her.

Well, told to quit calling herself tiresome and fragile, which admittedly is not a humungous deal better at a time like this.

I suspect Scrappy is right about the friend's basic intentions - especially if you've seen her at her worst as she says. But Steph's right about what a shitty angle it is to take right now.

I just wish you weren't going through all this in the first place.

I suspect Scrappy is right about the friend's basic intentions - especially if you've seen her at her worst as she says. But Steph's right about what a shitty angle it is to take right now.

I agree. It sounds like a bad intersection of unconscious button-pushing.

And, Barb, I know you are hurting and wish your friend hadn't gotten all defensive with you today of all days. I am sorry if I gave any other impression.

Waht I was saying is that, for me, not sharing my darker feelings or constantly qualifying them (because I grew up in a house where one Did Not Complain) served to push the people I needed away, rather than bring them closer. Learning not to do that was hard and I still fail at it a lot, but it did make me feel like a wall between me and other people went away.

I agree. It sounds like a bad intersection of unconscious button-pushing.

That's what it sounds like to me. And Barb, you are not a drama queen. Not at all, sweetheart.

Maybe a little, because I think most writers are, but I don't think you are overdramatizing your current sitch.

{{{Barb}}}

Tom Lenk (Andrew) comes out.

Apparently I missed the memo on his ever having been in.

I was so cold on my way home, my teeth were chattering like CRAZY. So I was unsurprised to hear about the chance of snow here as well.... And it was 40 degrees, so maybe that is time to pull out the warmer coat. And/or wear a sweater. Either one probably would have done.

BRRRR!

Now I have an apple crisp in the oven, so that should help.

National Geographic special on the Mars Rovers, this Sunday.

[link]

I'm not in this! But it'll still be cool.