it doesn't have anything to do with who I am now, and more to do with the fact the divorce killed a part of who I was then--even though the newer me is a better person.
I know that, too; I don't need to have gone through a divorce myself to know that when your marriage ends, you also can never get into a new relationship without having an idea of how horribly wrong it *could* go. Even if you aren't being Eeyore and thinking it, you still know firsthand what could go wrong, so nothing new is ever the way it was when it was shiny and new and uncrushed.
I get that.
it sounds like the boy missed a lot of signals from you last night
Last night I just glossed over my mom's nasty comment and enjoyed the evening. I've achieved that much mental health. There was beer, there was 2 kinds of cake (layer cake AND cheesecake), there were mashed potatoes, there was dancing (though I did not do the Electric Slide, because I do have limits, even when drinking beer). No point in letting my mom's issues ruin my evening.
But today it's got ripples, you know?
It is inextricably part of who I am, and I can't deny that.
Don't get me wrong; I wouldn't love The Boy if he weren't the kind of man who honors his vows. His integrity is one of the things I love most about him.
I did show it to Drew at one point just because I wanted to share that part of my life with him, and I hope it didn't make him feel insecure. I shared it because I'd moved past it, if that makes any sense.
It *does* make sense; like I said in an earlier post, on a different day, if I didn't also have the psychic bruise from my mom, I might have been completely fine with the wedding album. I want to know about his whole life; it doesn't bother me that he's been married before.
Just, today -- it made me feel like I wasn't quite the right person.
I also think that your mother needs to be cluesticked HARD
I feel sorry for her, that she's losing something so ephemeral that she placed so much value on. That's got to suck. I also have always known that she'll poke at whoever seems to be a threat. But like I said, *I* have rarely been that threat, so I'm not ever prepared to fend off her pokes when they come my way.
he deals in single entendres and un-encoded messages, which is a joy to me
What a great statement to be able to make. Aaand, a case of the good news and the bad news being the same. I agree with Kristin about the mixed signals portion of the program. The Boy was clearly in his own head and not making the connection between your mom's appalling statement and his action.
The comment probably rolled right past him because he doesn't see you that way. Which is nice. It would be great if your mom didn't need ammunition like that but, as you say, the fact that she DOES need it is actually a good sign about the way your own life is going.
Living well is the best revenge, as they say.
The only thing I wish you could have done for yourself, rather than suffering through the wedding album when it wasn't the right time for you, was to say something like, "You there...over here...do me and we'll talk about weddings some other time."
Gritting your teeth just added to the pain!
Not fair. No pain for you!!
I feel sorry for her, that she's losing something so ephemeral that she placed so much value on. That's got to suck.
This is super-wise.
But I seem to remember that he is really very bad at getting signals.
That's partly an ADD thing. It's not an *excuse,* but it is a characteristic of some people with ADD that they don't always pick up on signals. He's better at it than most, actually; I think that The Boy doesn't always know what to do or say when I'm hurting, because he doesn't want to say the wrong thing.
I feel sorry for her, that she's losing something so ephemeral that she placed so much value on. That's got to suck. I also have always known that she'll poke at whoever seems to be a threat. But like I said, *I* have rarely been that threat, so I'm not ever prepared to fend off her pokes when they come my way.
Oof. You really do understand her and I know you love her. I just wish she could get past her superficiality and realize just how lovely you really are.
I know my sister regrets her first marriage and subsequent relationship which also lasted a long time but ended before her current marriage. I think she's trying to learn from the mistakes and wants to keep the good parts but somehow can't really get past the bad, either. Closure is hard to get.
I know you love your mom, Tep.
But that's just ...bitchy, man.
My stepmonster once pouted all day because someone in public told me "Nice shirt."
Tep's boyfriend...today's pick for
(Bach) Worst. Timing. In The Woorld!!!(/Bach)
(/gratuitous Countdown References)
Vortex, so sorry for your loss.Sometimes I forget there are families where that isn't an occasion to wipe down your phone and get your story straight. Which is my way of saying, I always appreciated reading about your bond with your dad.
she'll poke at whoever seems to be a threat
Sounds like she thinks you're prettier than she is. That's a plus.
she'll poke at whoever seems to be a threat
Sounds like she thinks you're prettier than she is.
It's like Snow White's stepmother sending her off in the woods.
That's a plus.
You know what? It's not. For most of my life, I would have thought so. But however I came by this hard-won mental health, I don't actually think that my mom thinking I'm prettier than she is is a plus. Because I don't think it's a competition. Anymore.
Tep, that does sound like a shitty day, and I'm petty enough to kind of want you to have retaliated with the "old" dig - but I'm glad for you that you're in a place where you're more mature and compassionate than that.
Your mother does sound disconcertingly like Anne Eliot's dad, from
Persuasion.
I like the thought that you're the heroine of your own Austen novel.
