Teppy--I can see how the wedding album might make you feel horrible, but in this case I really feel it isn't about you. After all, what was he doing? He was talking about marriage and what it means with you. Yeah, he dopily used his own previous marriage to do so, but that's still what he was doing. The actor Sam Anderson married J and his Ex, so I heard about the wedding and how cool he was every damn time Anderson was onscreen in Angel. And it bugged. But you and I are the ones our guys are with NOW. To negate that is to negate their growth and their choices and their desires.

Also,it sounds like you really have your mom's number. I am sure it desen't make it hurt less, but I really admire you for your perspective.

I see now how that might make current loves feel uncomfortable. Thanks for the reality check.

I think that if my mom hadn't ALSO called me ugly last night, I wouldn't be feeling so....perpetually lacking, I guess, today. And maybe looking at The Boy's wedding album wouldn't have bothered me. I feel pretty secure about our relationship, but -- it was just the wrong time to show me the whole thing, you know?

I know he was married before, I know he *still* feels enormous -- and I mean like the Pacific goddamn Ocean -- guilt about "failing" the marriage. I know he thinks that breaking his marriage vows was never going to happen, and when it did, everything went topsy-turvy and so how can you count on anything?

I get all that. I'm supporto-gal.

But do I have to see *all* of it? He's not subtle enough to be trying to send me a message by showing me the album -- he deals in single entendres and un-encoded messages, which is a joy to me. Seriously. So I know he's not hinting that I should pack up and move out.

But it still stings on the heels of being called ugly, IN FRONT OF MY BOYFRIEND, by my mom.

Some days I honestly can't believe she *didn't* eat her young.

Ugh, Steph. What a shitty day. I can absolutely see your mother's effed up "joke" coloring the viewing of the wedding album. Also, I think it bodes well that the Boy feels so badly about his marriage failing. He takes his commitments seriously, which means he takes your relationship seriously as well.

But you and I are the ones our guys are with NOW. To negate that is to negate their growth and their choices and their desires.

I know. I just also know that, 7 years later, he still regrets his divorce. I think it's more about the fact that he broke his vows, and less about wanting to be with his ex, but some days it's tough. Some days can think, "Of *course* he regrets breaking his vows; he's an honorable man with more integrity than I thought it was possible for one person to have, and I admire that deeply."

But some days I think, "The whole concept of 'moving on' is lost on you, huh?"

Also,it sounds like you really have your mom's number. I am sure it desen't make it hurt less, but I really admire you for your perspective.

God DAMN. I swear, I know why she's fucked up the way she is, but it still doesn't make me want to cut her any slack today.

I'm getting better at really believing that I'm pretty. More days than not. But that's way different than being Scarlett O'Hara. And I know that sounds like exaggeration, and all I can say is -- you don't know her. She's not a bad person, or a bad mother; she's human. But she puts an extremely high value on physical appearance, and above all, she puts an extremely high value on her ability to be the prettiest woman in the room. Anyone who threatens that -- and I never used to be able to -- is going to get caught in the crosshairs. I just haven't been the target before.

The equivalent would be me calling her "old" -- which, note, I didn't do when I "joked" back last night.

ISN'T ACTUALLY GODDAMN FUNNY

Seriously not. Appalling, really. Like Scrappy said, you've clearly got your mother's number, but I just... that sucks.

Well, Teppy, if it helps, I am the most disgustingly happy married person EVER and am grateful every day that I am with Jason, but there is still a part of me almost 20 years later, which is sorry that my first marriage imploded. I feel sorry for the clueless creature i was, who is going to get her heart broken to pieces. I regret choices I made then in dealing with him and with honoring my needs and with his infidelity and all kinds of stuff. I don't know of I am explaining it well, but it doesn't have anything to do with who I am now, and more to do with the fact the divorce killed a part of who I was then--even though the newer me is a better person.

I saw this on the way to the pet store. Welcome to Southern California.

I just also know that, 7 years later, he still regrets his divorce.

Well, Teppy, if it helps, I am the most disgustingly happy married person EVER and am grateful every day that I am with Jason, but there is still a part of me almost 20 years later, which is sorry that my first marriage imploded...it doesn't have anything to do with who I am now, and more to do with the fact the divorce killed a part of who I was then--even though the newer me is a better person.

What Scrappy said. I will always mourn my divorce, even though I know that ending my marriage was the right thing to do. It is inextricably part of who I am, and I can't deny that. And I do still have my wedding album, because I can't bear the thought of just throwing it away, even if the marriage ended up not working out in the end. I do want to look at it now and then because I love the way everything looked, my dress and my hair and all the dumb things that shouldn't matter but kind of do just a little bit still. I did show it to Drew at one point just because I wanted to share that part of my life with him, and I hope it didn't make him feel insecure. I shared it because I'd moved past it, if that makes any sense.

But that said, it sounds like the boy missed a lot of signals from you last night, and I'm sorry about that. There is a time and place for these things, no doubt. For what it's worth, I suspect that it was as Scrappy said, an attempt to share something with you rather than an attempt to make you feel excluded.

I also think that your mother needs to be cluesticked HARD, because her thoughtless and selfish comment seems to have formed a lens that distorted everything else that happened that night, including that awkward moment with the wedding album. I do think you have her number here, but I know that's not very comforting on a lizard-brain level. I'm sorry she made you feel so awful.

Yeah I'm sorry about The Boy's bad timing. But I seem to remember that he is really very bad at getting signals. One of the flaws you have to live with in return for the good things about him.