Wow. Barb, that's just maddening. Really, really maddening. I just. Wow. Also, can I ask, do you include any Spanglish or Spanish in your writing? My thesis buddy wrote her thesis on that, and I'd love to tell her about another writer. Also, could you e-mail me your full name. I really want to get one of your books to read.

Thanks, vw-- and to answer your question, yeah, I use Spanish, both full phrases and dropped in words (one of my favorite reviews ever came from a fifteen year old who complained that I hadn't included a dictionary of terms in the book-- guess reading within context was too taxing for the wee lamb). And the name I write under is Caridad Ferrer and the two books pubbed are Adiós to My Old Life (in which ironically, some idiot proofreader decided it was a good idea to change all my Spanish phrases without telling me about it) and It's Not About the Accent.

ION, this is probably a day I should spend away from blogs and such-- the stupid is enraging me and making me want to answer in Not Nice Ways.

Teppy, I feel you on that. For me, "fat" is just a buzzword, because of the inflection/value judgment that people use, i.e. "she's pretty, but she's fat " Yes, it is a descriptor, but (for me) one that is laden with baggage. I'm working on it. Issues. Carry on. Bygones.

Yes, it is a descriptor, but (for me) one that is laden with baggage.

Don't get me wrong; I think that the majority of people who use the word "fat" use it as a pejorative. And that includes fat people. But I decided -- and it was REALLY hard mental work -- to stop referring to myself in a manner that's meant to imply something shameful, bad, or wrong. It's hard to take a word that's so laden with judgment and use it in a neutral manner.

And one of the only ways that I can tell that I'm successful in using it in a neutral manner (i.e., as merely a descriptor) is other people's reactions to me. Because they don't know how to respond to me using the word "fat" without it meaning "disgusting, shameful, badbadbad." I just get these looks, the occasional nervous titter, and then the quick change o' subject.

Plus I think my attitude when I use the word "fat" makes a big difference. Instead of "Well, I'd think about taking fencing lessons if I weren't so [mumblemumble] fat...." [foot shuffle, refusal to make eye contact], I say things like, "You know, it turns out that being fat is an advantage in skiing, because I can really carve the hell out of those turns." [smile, indicate turn-carving hip movement]

Fucks with people every. single. time.

Okay, and another way that I can tell that I've succeeded at using "fat" as a value-neutral descriptor is that when I say "fat" to refer to myself, I don't cringe inwardly. It's just another word.

We got back home at 2:30 a.m. Pumpkin woke up at 6:17 a.m., so I got less than four hours of sleep. And tonight I meet CBD's family. Hopefully I can squeeze in a nap, although, I feel ok right now.

oh I feel your pain! I flew into Chicago on Friday night and we slept there before going to Michigan so I could meet Chicago Bob's people. Unfortunately his place backs up to a train station that they were working on OVERNIGHT on Friday. With several jackhammers and other machines of very loud noise (the worst was the beepbeepbeep of a truck in reverse that kept waking me up because I thought it was the alarm). So 4 hours sleep tops before meeting the boyfriend's folks. EEP! BUT! It all went well! They seemed to like me. And I'm sure the same will be true for you, vw!

(in love with the awesomeness that is Tep)

(in love with the awesomeness that is Tep)

Don't get me wrong (which seems to be my overused phrase o'the day) -- I'm sure that, for instance, when I see my Big Giant Torso on the billboard, I'll be struck with "OMG I'm ENORMOUS!!!" and feel bad.

I've made progress with the whole body image thing, but it ain't iron-clad, I tell you what.

Oh Barb- I am so sorry about the fuck-up-ed-ness of your manuscript(s) handling.

My big thing is that I keep telling people who say things like "She was soo enormous that she must have weight 200 POUNDS" that I weigh more than 200 pounds, and then they do the "but YOUR not fat!" thing, but of course I am fat, I can just do things like walk, which seems to be what people think 200 pounds is!

so I could meet Chicago Bob's people.

this deserves commenting, exclamation points, et. al, no?

"Don't SAY that! You're not nearsighted, you just don't see faraway things as well as other people...."

HEY! We in the myopic community prefer "retinally challenged."

Barb, thank you for the info! I've forwarded to my friend, and she's very excited to check them out!

So 4 hours sleep tops before meeting the boyfriend's folks. EEP! BUT! It all went well! They seemed to like me. And I'm sure the same will be true for you, vw!

YAY!

Teppy, it sounds like you've done with "Fat" what I've done with "BPD" or "Mental Illness." I should work on having that same attitude with "Fat."