Yes, it is a descriptor, but (for me) one that is laden with baggage.

Don't get me wrong; I think that the majority of people who use the word "fat" use it as a pejorative. And that includes fat people. But I decided -- and it was REALLY hard mental work -- to stop referring to myself in a manner that's meant to imply something shameful, bad, or wrong. It's hard to take a word that's so laden with judgment and use it in a neutral manner.

And one of the only ways that I can tell that I'm successful in using it in a neutral manner (i.e., as merely a descriptor) is other people's reactions to me. Because they don't know how to respond to me using the word "fat" without it meaning "disgusting, shameful, badbadbad." I just get these looks, the occasional nervous titter, and then the quick change o' subject.

Plus I think my attitude when I use the word "fat" makes a big difference. Instead of "Well, I'd think about taking fencing lessons if I weren't so [mumblemumble] fat...." [foot shuffle, refusal to make eye contact], I say things like, "You know, it turns out that being fat is an advantage in skiing, because I can really carve the hell out of those turns." [smile, indicate turn-carving hip movement]

Fucks with people every. single. time.

Okay, and another way that I can tell that I've succeeded at using "fat" as a value-neutral descriptor is that when I say "fat" to refer to myself, I don't cringe inwardly. It's just another word.

We got back home at 2:30 a.m. Pumpkin woke up at 6:17 a.m., so I got less than four hours of sleep. And tonight I meet CBD's family. Hopefully I can squeeze in a nap, although, I feel ok right now.

oh I feel your pain! I flew into Chicago on Friday night and we slept there before going to Michigan so I could meet Chicago Bob's people. Unfortunately his place backs up to a train station that they were working on OVERNIGHT on Friday. With several jackhammers and other machines of very loud noise (the worst was the beepbeepbeep of a truck in reverse that kept waking me up because I thought it was the alarm). So 4 hours sleep tops before meeting the boyfriend's folks. EEP! BUT! It all went well! They seemed to like me. And I'm sure the same will be true for you, vw!

(in love with the awesomeness that is Tep)

(in love with the awesomeness that is Tep)

Don't get me wrong (which seems to be my overused phrase o'the day) -- I'm sure that, for instance, when I see my Big Giant Torso on the billboard, I'll be struck with "OMG I'm ENORMOUS!!!" and feel bad.

I've made progress with the whole body image thing, but it ain't iron-clad, I tell you what.

Oh Barb- I am so sorry about the fuck-up-ed-ness of your manuscript(s) handling.

My big thing is that I keep telling people who say things like "She was soo enormous that she must have weight 200 POUNDS" that I weigh more than 200 pounds, and then they do the "but YOUR not fat!" thing, but of course I am fat, I can just do things like walk, which seems to be what people think 200 pounds is!

so I could meet Chicago Bob's people.

this deserves commenting, exclamation points, et. al, no?

"Don't SAY that! You're not nearsighted, you just don't see faraway things as well as other people...."

HEY! We in the myopic community prefer "retinally challenged."

Barb, thank you for the info! I've forwarded to my friend, and she's very excited to check them out!

So 4 hours sleep tops before meeting the boyfriend's folks. EEP! BUT! It all went well! They seemed to like me. And I'm sure the same will be true for you, vw!

YAY!

Teppy, it sounds like you've done with "Fat" what I've done with "BPD" or "Mental Illness." I should work on having that same attitude with "Fat."

OMFG, the "Search only in this folder" option in Outlook 2007 is fucking GREYED OUT. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK, EMPLOYER?????

I wish I could accept my fat. I don't. I hate it. I hate looking down and seeing it. I hate seeing it in the mirror so much that there have been times when I get ready for work with the lights off, avoiding even the shadows in the mirror. I feel like I have been imprisoned in this body, but I can't figure out what my crime was, because if it were overeating or lack of exercise, it would have to go away after the lots of dieting and lots of exercise that I have in the past done. I'm tired of being fat. I've been fat for almost four decades, and I'm sick of it. But there is no point in lifting a finger against it, because I'm even more tired of working really, really hard only to end up ... still way too fat. At my thinnest, I'm too fat to be a plus-size model. I'm too fat to volunteer for reputable clinical trials of weight loss treatments. Well, ok, maybe I could still volunteer, but the clinicians would reject, because I'm too fat. Feel free to ignore the rant.