Yeah I know. But when someone else gets something you want, there are two things we can't avoid having run through our heads. "Maybe I really don't deserve it." And "I totally deserve it. Why do they get it?" Not a big part of us, but there for a moment.

FWIW, I always have the feeling clawing at the back of my brain that the publication of Vampire People was some sort of horrific error and undeserved.

I'm convinced that Sam is laughable. I keep trying to put up a good front of confidence, but I'm convinced that I'm making an embarassing mistake.

Sam is a wonderful idea, and when it's published, I will buy copies for every child I know. I have given Vampire People to four or five people who also loved it, including one who has watched very little television and never been involved in an online group. I so wish you could have even a tenth of the admiration for yourself that other people have for you.

Allyson, I gave a friend a copy of Vampire People and she thought it was interesting. Then, recently, she was able to use what she'd read in the book as a way to explain internet communities to someone who had no idea of what they were. So your book is being educational, as well as entertaining.

Allyson, I put Vampire People on my best of 2007 list: [link] Just one person's opinion, but I'm awfully picky...

Susan, quick question, is there anything, in the history of ever, that you failed to relate to yourself and your quest for, not only fame, but literary immortality? Because I've known you for years and I don't think so. Yes, many of us share Allyson's dream, but most of us can be a bit gracious and dignified about panting after it. And I get insulted every time you post how you are so much more talented than everyone here. I just thought I'd say that before you block me for being SO Mean. Maybe you're not published because agents already represent arrogant pains in their ass that make them money and they don't need a newbie one.

erika, it has never been my intention (or my belief) to say that I'm more talented than everyone here, and I honestly don't see what in my post from today or any of my posts from before gave that impression.

Today in particular I wasn't even talking about anyone here--it was my reaction to something that happened on another list. I came here to vent specifically because I didn't want to offer anything *there* but my heartfelt congratulations. And I wasn't comparing myself to those writers--I couldn't if I wanted to, because I haven't read their stuff.

And I get insulted every time you post how you are so much more talented than everyone here.

I must have missed when she said that.

Ok, so she didn't. Today. That's what I get for letting things fester, I suppose. But that's definitely the feeling I get, a lot of the time. I've entered contests and lost too, and it didn't suck less for me. In fact, I felt like such a worthless loser that there wasn't a point about posting it.

Oh and Allyson, I hope when I confessed to envy of your talent and success it is not because your success is not deserved. Vampire People I think is likely to become classic, one of the best collections of personals essays either. If I revealed that an occasional envious though passes through my head, I was indulging in the Buffista habit of talking too much about personal problems. If one of my internal demons set off one of your internal demons I'm deeply sorry.