Okay, I think this is a slightly smoother version, and it explains a little bit more about the plot.
Defenders of the Crown is the story of Leah Archer, who doesn’t wish she was secretly a fairy princess. Really, she doesn’t. Sure, she reads an awful lot of fantasy, and sometimes she think it would be nice to have the sort of adventure she reads about, but she’s old enough to know things like that don’t happen in real life.
Then Leah, her kid sister, and her friends perform an accidental spell that summons an unconscious man in a golden crown to Leah’s suburban living room. She soon finds that the sort of adventure you read about isn’t much fun at all when it’s happening to you. Especially because Leah's little sister is the one who turns out to be the secret fairy princess, and she doesn't even want the job.
When one of their friends is kidnapped, Leah and her sister must go after her. They meet selkies and dryads, travel underground with goblins, and see what’s become of a kingdom trapped in a ten-year winter. All the while, Leah has to come to terms with *not* being the magical one. And she’d better do it fast, because she’s got to take on the Winter Court.
I think that's much smoother, Holli, and it still gives a sense of your voice and the tone. I would cut the "Really, she doesn't," though. It's just one little touch too much there.
Is this a middle-grade novel? Slightly younger than YA? It's reading that way to me here, but I wasn't sure.
Yeah, I like it, Holli. I want to read it!
Yup, it's aimed at a 13/14-year-old reader.
It's much clearer to me Holli - really good stuff.
The syntax of
who doesn’t wish she was secretly a fairy princess
Catches me up a bit, but as it's where everything turns, I don't want to pluck at it. Especially if it's just me.
I think it might be smoother if it were: "...who doesn't secretly wish."
One thing I'd like to know, Holli, is what the stakes are. "Take on the Winter Court" to do what? Save the kingdom? Save her sister? Get home?
Good point, Ginger. I think that last sentence needs to be "And she’d better do it fast, because she’s got to take on the Winter Court to get her friend back."
Opinions: When I was growing up there was a publicity rule: "I don't care what you say about me, as long as you spell my name right." That was always an exaggeration, but in the day of the interbunny I kind of feel like that is completely obsolete. I know some people I can send my book to who reach a lot people, who I know will review it if I send, but I also know will give it bad reviews. My instinct: better not to send it to them. Agree? Disagree?
Yeah, I think if the odds of a bad review are that high, it's not worth it.
