I think that's much smoother, Holli, and it still gives a sense of your voice and the tone. I would cut the "Really, she doesn't," though. It's just one little touch too much there.

Is this a middle-grade novel? Slightly younger than YA? It's reading that way to me here, but I wasn't sure.

Yeah, I like it, Holli. I want to read it!

Yup, it's aimed at a 13/14-year-old reader.

It's much clearer to me Holli - really good stuff.

The syntax of

who doesn’t wish she was secretly a fairy princess

Catches me up a bit, but as it's where everything turns, I don't want to pluck at it. Especially if it's just me.

I think it might be smoother if it were: "...who doesn't secretly wish."

One thing I'd like to know, Holli, is what the stakes are. "Take on the Winter Court" to do what? Save the kingdom? Save her sister? Get home?

Good point, Ginger. I think that last sentence needs to be "And she’d better do it fast, because she’s got to take on the Winter Court to get her friend back."

Opinions: When I was growing up there was a publicity rule: "I don't care what you say about me, as long as you spell my name right." That was always an exaggeration, but in the day of the interbunny I kind of feel like that is completely obsolete. I know some people I can send my book to who reach a lot people, who I know will review it if I send, but I also know will give it bad reviews. My instinct: better not to send it to them. Agree? Disagree?

Yeah, I think if the odds of a bad review are that high, it's not worth it.

Blah. I took an editorial pass at one of my stories yesterday and am now confronted with the horror that is my own self-important tripe. My goal is to have 3 mid-length stories in editing by next week and I'm nearly there, but now I'm squished. I know the only way out of it is through it. But meh.