Like, three people in the office thought this would be the very pinnacle of "fun" and "comedy" and the end result is fifteen people mumbling off-tune trying to get through this excruciating exercise so they can have some goddamn cake already while "F" looks bewildered and the organizers of this travesty look vaguely put out that it doesn't match their wondrous vision of how this would end up.

This is my office. At least twice a month, and sometimes more, there's some goddamn occasion where we're required to SING. There's the Happy Birthday bullshit, and then there's the Happy Anniversary bullshit, where not only do we have to sing to the person who's been unlucky enough to have worked here for X number of years, we have to make it a SURPRISE. No, seriously. We have to all sneak up on the person's office/cubicle/desk and then burst into song.

Because, after years of doing this for everyone, we have to keep pretending that the anniversary person doesn't know the ambush is coming.

I *so* dread my anniversary day.

And then sometimes we get a THIRD singing opportunity in some months, if we've had an intern for the month. On the intern's last day, we eat Graeter's (this is a good) and are forced to sing "Happy Trails" to the intern.

Do you KNOW how hard that song is to sing if you're not Roy Rogers? Do you KNOW how hard it is to get 20 people to sing that song properly? I feel *so* bad for the intern, who always looks horrified, and is no doubt wondering if he/she was the worst intern ever and is now being punished.

And yes, my office has the requisite 3 dimwits who think all this forced convivality is fun. One of them, in fact, has dubbed himself the "bandleader," and when we're all herded into the conference area and are forced to sing, he whips out a conductor's baton and "conducts" us.

Believe me when I say I try to make alternative plans for the birthday lunches and intern farewells. The anniversary stalkings are harder to get out of, because we don't know that we're going to be forced to sing until the bandleader comes around to our desks, whispering that we have to sneak up on so-and-so's office.

The worst part is when it's *my* anniversary. I have to sit there and endure it, and pretend I didn't know they'd all sneak up and sing loudly and off-key.

- DoOver: Making Meaningful Life Changes

- Re-Vision: Life Counseling for the Rest of It

(probably not what you're going for, but...)

- Some People Suck, but You Don't Have To

Each of these made me chortle. I may snag the last one for the doggy lama blog, whenever it may be born.

eta: I definitely using the Do-Over title for an entry. It says so much about my demographic. I think they'll love it.

and when we're all herded into the conference area and are forced to sing, he whips out a conductor's baton and "conducts" us.

AUGH. Death death death.

Aw, jeez, MM. Where do they find these idiots? I'm both glad and sorry that they're not all in Social Services tormenting me.(except the Social Security people, who must think we gimps miss out on the DMV ambience.)

One of them, in fact, has dubbed himself the "bandleader," and when we're all herded into the conference area and are forced to sing, he whips out a conductor's baton and "conducts" us.

"Sorry to see you here in the ER, Mr. BandleaderFuckcake. What seems to be the problem?"

"A coworker shoved a conductor's baton up my ass."

We've secretly replaced Mr Fuckcake's baton with a gaboon viper. Let's see if he notices.

and when we're all herded into the conference area and are forced to sing, he whips out a conductor's baton and "conducts" us.

AUGH. Death death death.

Seriously. And when I see my co-workers laughing and clapping while he "conducts," I begin to wonder if they are, in fact, mentally deficient. Like, actually clinically so.

One of them, in fact, has dubbed himself the "bandleader," and when we're all herded into the conference area and are forced to sing, he whips out a conductor's baton and "conducts" us.

"Sorry to see you here in the ER, Mr. BandleaderFuckcake. What seems to be the problem?"

"A coworker shoved a conductor's baton up my ass."

Oh, would that I could!

I think I love my workplace right now. Someone brought in a homemade chocolate peanut butter cake today. She put it in the staff room and sent out an email that said, "help yourself!"

And when I see my co-workers laughing and clapping while he "conducts," I begin to wonder if they are, in fact, mentally deficient.

"Mr. Fry, your 2:00 magician is here."

"Believe it or not, I have more important things to do today than laugh and clap my hands. .... Reschedule."

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